Five things my ex-boyfriends should never find out

(1) I use that t-shirt you gave me as an apron.

(2) Remember when I said I threw away my ex's boxers? Well I didn't. They're super comfortable and I still wear them.

(3) My cell phone gets perfect reception upstate, I just didn't feel like talking to you.

(4) You didn't teach me how to drive stick, I learned a long time ago.

(5) That guy in all the pictures from the Motherland... he's not my cousin. And he's the one who taught me how to drive stick.