Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wherein I rant about something that is supposed to be perfect

I know that it's probably very hot where you are right now. (Unless you live in the Southern hemisphere of our awesome planet, in which case it's winter for you.) And I understand that I live in what most people refer to as the ideal climate: almost never goes below 50, rarely goes above 90, rarely rains, never snows. It's objectively Paradise, I get it.

Only I don't see it that way. And for one very specific reason: I miss summer. I miss it with every fiber of my being. Sure it's technically summer; it is, after all, July. But it sure as hell doesn't feel like summer.

To me, summer means heat. It means getting to wear shorts and dresses and flip-flops for months at a time. It means hanging out on the patio until 11:00 PM in a tank top. It means going to the beach and taking a swim to beat the heat and actually finding it refreshing.

But here in San Diego (at least near the coast), I can't remember the last time I wore a sundress without a sweater. The last time I BBQ'ed, it was in jeans and a  hooded sweatshirt. I stuck my feet in the pool the other day and walked right over the hot tub and turned it on. The last time I was at the beach, I couldn't get close enough to the bonfire because I was FREEZING. I made chili the other week, for god's sake! CHILI! IN A CROCK POT! Which I left on all day while I was at work and the house wasn't even hot when I got home!

Mother nature, his is unacceptable. Please. For the love of this East Coaster who grew up frying eggs on sidewalks and rigging the A/C so that it would cool the whole house instead of just one room, PLEASE bless me with some heat! Just a few weeks of temps over 80 degrees, that's all I ask. I'll even take one week of 90-degree weather. I don't even need it to be that hot at the beach! I just want to swim in my pool without immediately jumping out because it's too cold.... is that too much to ask?

=( Summer, why have you forgotten me?

Thursday, July 21, 2011

My foray into prescription drugs: UPDATE

If I had written this post yesterday, it would have been riddled with phrases like "crazypants" and "not in control of my emotions" and "I hate hormones RAAWWRRR!!" But since I am writing this post today--which happens to be a good day, a day on which I do not feel crazy or out of control--it will contain phrases such as "emotional" and "mildly irrational" and "I strongly dislike hormones, ugh."

I started taking a new, low-dose birth control pill on Monday and it KICKED. MY. ASS. I was so tired at work on Tuesday and Wednesday that I actually drew the shades and tried to take a nap at my desk yesterday during lunch. (That was most definitely a first.) Caffeine didn't do anything but give me a nasty sugar crash, and so I felt like utter crap the entire day. Alternatively, in the late night hours after I took the first two pills, I laid awake in bed, wound up and unable to fall asleep, my heart pounding in my chest. It wouldn't have taken a genius to figure out that I should take the pills in the morning instead of at night, but of course Rad Boyfriend was the first one to make that suggestion.

Well, that's exactly what I did this morning and guess what: I feel fantastic. I have energy, I'm in a great mood, and I don't feel like I want to hit anyone over the head with a book or take a nap. And about that hitting thing..."irrational" isn't a strong enough word for how I felt yesterday. "Filled with rage and wrath" might work, but with a bit of "angst and torment" thrown in. There was anger, there were tears, and I may have flipped my boss off behind his back. May have. I don't recall. In any event, I was hating on hormones hardcore yesterday. Today I'm okay with them.

As for the Ativan, that's working out quite nicely. So far it's doing what it's supposed to--relax me--without any gnarly side effects. It's such a low dose that I can take it at work, but the drowsiness is work-prohibitive. So I think i'll be saving it for airplane rides and nights when I can't sleep.

On a completely unrelated side note, I have a funny story for you guys:

I went outlet shopping the other weekend with my friend Erin and bought a dress from Banana Republic on clearance. It's bright orange and has a collar and a belt and is really cute. Since the weather here in San Diego has been hovering around 73 degrees (with indoor office temperatures of about 65) I hadn't really had an opportunity to wear the dress comfortably. That is, until Tuesday. My boss was out of the office and thus the air conditioner wasn't set to CUT GLASS, so I wore the dress. I thought I looked all cute with my brown wedges, bracelet and new haircut; I even posted something on Facebook about how I was "working it!" Around noon, I jumped at the opportunity to drop a file off downtown for my boss because yay for showing off my outfit, right?

So as I was walking to my car, one of my sandals started to feel very loose. Just as I looked down to investigate, BAM. The strap broke. I lost my balance, dropped the file I was holding, and nearly fell into a fence while trying to keep the skirt part of my dress from flying up. All while the owner of said fence was on his front porch watering his flowers.

So much for working it, right? Such is my life...

I tried searching for the dress I bought so I could post a picture, but could not find it. I did, however, find these ensembles and now want to wear orange and turquoise to my friend Liz's wedding in August.

Le swoon!

Monday, July 11, 2011

My foray into prescription drugs

Last we spoke, I was having some angst over hormonal birth control. I'm happy to report that the mood swings and bitchiness got much better as the month went on, but the anxiety did not. And most recently I had breakdown one day after work over my forgetfulness/penchant for not paying attention. This prompted me to make an appointment with my doctor to talk about why the eff I walk into the bedroom with water glasses when the water cooler is in Rad Boyfriend's office FIVE TIMES PER DAY. (Also why I leave the oven on, the garage door open, why I ask the same question 3 times, and why I continue to mess shit up at work.) 

I had my doctor's appointment this morning. I explained my WTF-behavior and my doctor listened patiently. I told him that my said WTF-behavior has gotten to a point where it's affecting my everyday life and that it's time something be done about it. He asked me some questions and we chatted about what might be going on. We both agreed that these were more attention-related than forgetfulness-related, and he thus signed me up to speak to a psychiatrist to be tested for ADD. 

AWESOME. I might have adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I'll let you know how that turns out. 

But in the meantime, I done got myself a prescription for Ativan. Because the constant anxiety over effing up at work is starting to take its toll. I find myself checking and rechecking documents, second-guessing my work, asking my boss the same question three times to make sure I've covered everything. And it's starting to make me look incompetent. (Not that I think I am at all competent to run a law office, but I was faking it pretty well there for a while!) 

So now I have some anti-anxiety meds that are to be taken strictly AS NEEDED! Both my doc and the pharmacist couldn't stress this enough. Those words, along with "habit-forming" and "pill-reliant" were thrown around several times this morning. I am to take them only when I feel very, extremely, super anxious. Umm... have you met me? I'm pretty much a walking ball of anxiety. 

But alas. I must heed my doctor's advice. I know he's right, and I'm sure the pharmacist has seen her share of Ativan-poppers hounding her staff for refills that don't exist. I do not want to become one of those people. And so I've promised myself to only take them when I'm so stressed out that I can't think straight. Or when I fly. Because, really, why suffer in an economy class middle seat from California to New Jersey when you could drift off peacefully into a dream where your seat is in First Class and the flight attendants are all Alexander Skarsgard.....

Ahem. Pardon my digression. Stay tuned for the next Medication Update....