Happy Friday!! Hope your week was better than bad. Here are some random things I've compiled from the Interwebs recently. Hope you enjoy =)
Friday Night Lights comes back on May 7th, y'all!! Anyone out there who has been following this blog since last year knows ALL about my obsession with that show. Now that it's back, I won't feel so bad about staying in on the occasional Friday evening.
Have you guys been to CuteOverload.com yet? Because if you haven't, you really should. That link gives you all the information you need regarding the contents of that site. Nuf said.
I know I can be a literally nerd sometimes, but this really made me laugh.
Some friends and I recently played a game called "What celebrity would you be?" wherein you choose a celebrity you'd most like to look like. I chose Rashida Jones because... c'mon, do I really have to explain it?! But after seeing these recent photos of Christina Hendricks in Esquire, I'm starting to rethink my choice. SIZZLE!!!
Speaking of Esquire magazine, I found this survey really interesting. Mostly because I fall within the majority in my answer to A LOT of these questions. (Except for the one about facial hair. Case in point.) Check it out ladies, and see if you agree!
I try and stay away from politics on this here blog, but once in a while something comes along that is too good not to share. The following excerpt has been floating around the interwebs for a little while now. I found it here. While it does pigeonhole an inferred group of people, I happen to think some of this makes a good point. Enjoy. Or don't.
You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.
You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.
You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.
You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed. You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.
You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion (and counting) on said illegal war.
You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.
You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people. You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.
You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.
You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.
You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.
You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich. You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.
You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.
...but I make exceptions for giant, lethal penises. I guarantee you will not find anything better on the internet today than this video. Go on. I DARE YOU.
You can stop searching. The hunt is over. All those hours spent stalking YouTube? All those sleepless nights passed by watching crazed lunatics hawk cleaning accouterments? They're over. Because I have found it: the best TV commercial of all time. Here's why:
First of all, the name alone: Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage. I always liked the term "big ass" as an adjective ("that's a big-ass fish taco!" "how am I supposed to park this big-ass Escalade in Manhattan?") but I never actually saw it used as part of a legal business name. I admire your creativity, Mr. Jones. And your balls.
Second, Mr. Jones claims the reason for his low prices is that he's drunk. Now, see, while I appreciate a good drunk discount, I don't particularly like that the man in charge of making sure my shit doesn't get messed with is openly intoxicated. What stops him from driving my big bus right off his lot and using it to transport prison inmates?
Third, he offers to store my weed. How many times have you looked at your Ziploc bags full of the good stuff and thought to yourself, "I just don't feel comfortable storing these illegal narcotics in my home. If only there was a safe place I could keep them, if only there was a trustworthy individual with whom I could leave my drugs..." Well look no further, my friends. Not only will Mr. Jones hold your stash for the lowest price around, but he'll advertise his willingness to do so on public television. Rest assured that if your shit goes missing, his big ass storage facility is the FIRST place the police will look!
You pretty much see it all living in New York City: dogs wearing boots, toddlers with diamond cell phones, and sweatpants that cost more than my first suit. But this, this right here is more than just a little ridiculous:
Kosher pet food? Seriously? The website for this....uh....product boasts approval from top breeders, "not to mention the Almighty." And I just lost my words. This is almost as ridiculous as this. Almost.
Feliz viernes! I hope y'all had a Chico's kind of week.... the kind where you sat at your eco-friendly desks with your feet up, sipping coffee from your homemade mugs and watching the birds from your garden-level office window, all while Enya played in the background. Namaste.
For all of y'all that had a shitty week, I am sincerely sorry. Tell me what I can do to make it better, and I will try. Seriously. Email me, we'll meet up for drinks.
Here are some awesome things I've stumbled up this week the end of your week go by just a little faster.
First off, we have something to warm your cold hearts. You may have seen this adorable picture already, but I felt that I to comemorate it in some way.
This is Sam. She's a koala bear that was found roaming the burnt forests 90 miles outside of Melbourne, Australia. Firefighters rescued her and brought her to the Mountain Ash Wildlife Shelter, where she is being treated for burns on her paws. Can we all please shed a collective aaaww?
Next up we have... NAZIS!! That's right folks, Quentin Tarantino has directed a new gun-shooting, blood-flowing, crazy-ass movie, and this time it's all about scalping Nazis. I'm not kidding. It's called Inglorious Basterds(that's right, with an "e") and Brad Pitt stars. I'll say no more and let you judge for yourselves.
In other movie news, I went to an advanced screening of a little something called I Love You, Man last night, and it was the funniest thing I've seen since Superbad. Paul Rudd plays a man without friends who is about to get married. When he realizes he doesn't have a BM (that's best man, not bowel movement) he sets out to find one. And what ensues is pure hilarity. Check out the trailer here. (And note the use of Vampire Weekend on the soundtrack!)
So has anyone seen Robert Downey Jr. lately? WOWZA is he looking good!
This is most definitely NOT the more serious, current post that I promised I would write today. This is, however, a video of a kid high on some good (legal) shit. Also, it's probably what I would've looked like had I started smoking pot at age 8.
I promise to write a real post about something current and important later on today or tomorrow. (I swear, I already started writing it!) But for now, there are some more pressing issues I'd like to discuss. Like Jessica Simpson's outfit.
Seriously, what was she thinking here? I know there's been some controversy about her weight lately (which I think is utter bullshit) but dude... is it necessary to wear your boyfriend's shirt? And the rest of her outfit looks like she stumbled out of a Sundance free gift room with one of everything. Especially those boots--they look like something fleecy my grandmother had on her feet the other day.
Doesn't this picture make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? All that's missing is Andrea in the backseat, pointing out historical landmarks. I picture their conversation going something like this:
Donna: I'm so glad we never fought over a guy. Kelly: I know. It helped that David was my brother and all. Donna: Are you saying that you would've slept with him if his dad didn't marry your mom? Kelly: Well I did sleep with Steve. And Dylan. And Brandon. David would've completed the circle, ya know? Donna: You have a point, Kel. Hey, isn't that mall where they filmed Back to the Future? Andrea: No, that mall is actually in Pasadena. The producers wanted-- Kelly: Shut up, Andrea.
I have the hugest girl crush on Megan Fox. I don't feel bad about it, either. Because Megan Fox is the kind of girl who would make a republican senator's wife a fail a lie detector test when asked if she ever had homosexual feelings. (Donna is gonna be SO pissed off when she finds out about Megan and David Silver!)
And finally, I'd like to introduce you to Spaghetti Cat's cousin. I don't have a name for him yet, so I thought I'd let you guys name him after watching this clip. Watch the whole thing, there's a surprise ending!
Happy Friday, Internet!!! I hope you all do a little dance in celebration of this shitastic week being over. And if you had a good week, then you should still celebrate that it's over!!
Here's some things to help distract you from from getting any real work done today.
David Beckham looking muycaliente in an Armani ad. YUMMY.
If you're going to San Francisco.... please take me with you! One of my favorite cities in California.
Remember the scene in Men In Black with the alien spaceship? I'm neither confirming nor denying the accuracy of that scene, but let's just say it might be true.
If you haven't seen this video of AhstonKutcher complaining about his neighbor's construction, please take a moment to watch the minute-long clip. Poor Ahston, being woken up at the ungodly hour of 7AM. The horror!
Okay, WTF is this? Seriously. Like we don't have enough enough people wearing Crocs in this world, we now want our dogs associated with this abomination of footwear? I guess since dogs can't wear shoes, the next best thing was to create doggy beds in the shape of a hideous rubber version of something the Dutch created many years ago. Here is the website from which this atrocity came. And I'm warning you, if you're going to that website to purchase one of these vomit-inducing things, you are no longer welcome on this site. I'm serious. (Ok, not really. But I think you get how much I can't stand this idea.)
So I tried to convince a friend (that's right, I called you out!) to see this movie last night but he refused. I tried for a good 10 minutes to get him to understand what a spectacular movie this is, how many awards it's won, that every single person I've spoken to that's seen it has raved about it. I had my iPhone out, ready to pull up a preview on YouTube, even looked up movie times in surrounding areas. But no. He didn't think it was a movie he'd be interested in seeing and basically told me to drop it. ::Shaking head:: I implore, nay I DEMAND that anyone reading this who has seen this movie leave a comment about how good it was. And if you'd like to go see it again or haven't seen it at all (like me) let me know. Because I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't had the pleasure.
And finally, I know someone who is going to the Superbowl. He is in Tampa as we speak, probably assisting his best friend, a photographer for NFL.com, in taking pictures of the players. AND! He will be seeing Journey live before the game on Sunday. I officially hate you, Steve. So much. UPDATE: I just got the following text message from Steve in Tampa: "I just saw the little person from In Bruges." The level of jealousy over here has reached volatile levels.
I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! I know I did =) I'd like to thank my family for getting me such awesome, thoughtful gfits. Among my favorites are my fabulous yellow handbag from Aldo and a gym membership!! I can't wait to start working out.
A little sad news: I was supposed to spend New Year's in L.A., but that doesn't look like it's happening =( To keep my spirits up, here's a little something I found that brings the lol's. Especially the last few seconds. Enjoy!
Happy Friday everyone! As always, I hope you're avoiding your responsibilities and leaving work early today. And for those of you in the En-why-cee, you may actually have a legit excuse to do so today: it is snowing like whoa out there! We're getting our first real snowstorm and I'm loving it. That is, until I have to step outside in it. My friends and I have plans to go to dinner and a show tonight so I'm hoping this doesn't turn into a blizzard.
As I like to do on every 5th day of the workweek, I've compiled a list of random things for your Friday enjoyment.
Someone needs to feed Kelly Rippa. Contrary to popular belief among 20-year olds and everyone in Hollywood, there is such a thing as being too thin. And Kelly Ripa proves my point. She needs to eat a bacon cheeseburger like, yesterday.
Michelle Duggar popped out her 37th kid. The couple with 17 kids welcomed their 18th yesterday in Arkansas. Her husband Jim Bob was quoted as saying, "We would love to have more." Upon hearing that statement, Michelle's vagina got up and walked out of the room. It was later found smoking a bowl while booking a one way ticket to the Cayman Islands.
Fringe wasn't that great; try Burn "Notice" instead. The other day I talked about how J.J. Abrams' new show "Fringe" looked promising. Well after watching a second episode I decided it wasn't for me. That wacky science stuff is just too unbelievable for me to take seriously. It's why I never watched X-Files. I did, however, start watching another show on Hulu that lives up to the hype. I've watched 4 episodes of "Burn Notice," and so far, it's pretty excellent. It centers around a ex-government spy who has essentially been kicked out of the spy club. His assets are frozen, his contacts have vanished and he's left to fend for himself in Miami. Ie: he's been burned. So he uses his spy skills to solve random cases for cash while he finds out who in the government did him dirty. What I love about the show is that it doesn't try at all to be like 24. It's more like MacGyver, but way funnier. Jeremy Piven is lie-telling. At least I think so. According to his doctors, Ari Gold has mercury poisoning and will not be able to continue his performance in a Broadway show called "Speed-the-plow." Mercury poisoning, hmm? Methinks the Pivert wanted out of the show and had to find a legit reason. And he came up with, "I ate too much sushi." Yeah, I bet you did.
I fell down the stairs this morning and hurt my assbone. Again. I'm pretty much a legend in my family for being the most clumsy person ever. Not a holiday goes by that I don't spill the wine or drop the eggs or burn the potatoes or, on one awesome occasion, almost set the tree on fire. So really, you shouldn't be surprised by this latest occurrence. I'll probably fall in the snow later today or drop my drink into someone's chicken. But hey, at least the steps were carpeted this time.
I always pegged Mr. Claus as a Gmail person. (FYI: for any law people out there, I totally spelled his name "clause" the first time I typed it. Old habits die real hard 'round here.)
I have no idea what this video is for, it might be an advertisement for a summer camp. All I know is that I spotted the following people in it: Urkel, Winnie Cooper, D.J. Tanner, and Jennifer Aniston. Those are for sure. Here are some people I think I saw: Dawson Leary, Quin from Dexter, and Ralph Macchio. Ah the 90's. Why didn't my parents ever send me to this place?
When did SNL get funny again?! I think Justin Timberlake should quit his record label and just produce stuff for NBC. Or make random appearances in all their music videos.
Happy Friday, everyone! I hope you're all taking a long lunch today and leaving work early. Or at the very least, throwing back a few on your lunch hour. Because what better way to say "I'm so thrilled to still have this soul-crushing job in such a shitastic economy!" than giving your boss the finger as you walk in from a 2-hour lunch bogged down with Macy's bags and smelling of Jameson? (Disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting you do any of the above. But if you do, and happen to get fired, please let me know how I can forward your boss my resume.)
For those of you who are diligently sitting at your desks pretending to do work, here's a few things to help get you through the day.
Victoria Beckham says she's not a famewhore. And I believe her! She recently told the Daily Mail that doesn't court fame, and that the only grand entrances she makes are through the kitchens of L.A. restaurants. I can see how some people might disagree, considering her huge following. But think about it: when was the last time you saw Victoria Beckham on a red carpet? When was the last time you saw a paparazzi photo of her doing anything other than walking out of a store or doing something with her kids? Yes, she's rail thin and dresses like she's having tea with Elton John every day. But isn't that what fashion icons do?! How else are you going to promote your line if you don't wear your clothes and look fabulous in them? I call that a smart marketing plan, not a ploy to get media attention.
Speaking of whoring yourself out to the media... Mark your calendars. Michelle Duggar is giving birth to her 37th child on TV. Because allowing a film crew into the delivery room when your vagina is on display is perfectly modest, but heaven forbid your daughters wear skirts that show their ankles. I really don't get this family. They belong to a Christian religion (?) called Quiverfull, which encourages having large families. According to Quiverfull.com, followers of this faith "acknowledge His headship in all areas of our lives, including fertility" and "exist to serve those believers who trust the Lord for family size." Interesting concept. Do they also trust the Lord to feed their family of 24? They tell me that "whether your quiver is large or small, you are welcome." So maybe one day when I finally get that cattle farm out west and need some free labor, I'll consider having a "small" quiver of 12. Because I can't think of any other logical reason to have that many children. Can you?
And finally, can we stop with the remakes please? I feel like Hollywood has run out of ideas and is scraping the bottom of the barrel in a desperate attempt to make money. No one wants to see Andrea Whatshername reprise her role as Kimmy Gilber on Full House. Knight Rider 2008 was NOT a good idea, and can we leave the Karate Kid alone? Is nothing sacred anymore?! The only remake I want to see is It's a Living. But instead of waitresses at a swanky hotel in L.A., the show features upscale call girls in Europe. International movie stars fly to Prague and Milan and pay the world's most beautiful women to hang on their arms for a night. THAT, my friend, is how you make a living.
While you may be distracted by a giant walrus playing the saxophone, please pay attention to the dude in the wetsuit behind the giant walrus. It brings the lols.
I left hectic and crazy New York to live the relaxed life in San Diego, California. Instead of shoveling snow and commuting 90 minutes to work, I now do yoga, cook, and work three blocks from the ocean. Life is good.
