Oh. My. God.

There are no words. Just watch.

"Is this real life?"

This is most definitely NOT the more serious, current post that I promised I would write today. This is, however, a video of a kid high on some good (legal) shit. Also, it's probably what I would've looked like had I started smoking pot at age 8.

Another thing I'd do if I had a million dollars: buy Louis Vutton luggage

I promise to write a real post about something current and important later on today or tomorrow. (I swear, I already started writing it!) But for now, there are some more pressing issues I'd like to discuss. Like Jessica Simpson's outfit.

Seriously, what was she thinking here? I know there's been some controversy about her weight lately (which I think is utter bullshit) but dude... is it necessary to wear your boyfriend's shirt? And the rest of her outfit looks like she stumbled out of a Sundance free gift room with one of everything. Especially those boots--they look like something fleecy my grandmother had on her feet the other day.

Doesn't this picture make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? All that's missing is Andrea in the backseat, pointing out historical landmarks. I picture their conversation going something like this:

Donna: I'm so glad we never fought over a guy.
Kelly: I know. It helped that David was my brother and all.
Donna: Are you saying that you would've slept with him if his dad didn't marry your mom?
Kelly: Well I did sleep with Steve. And Dylan. And Brandon. David would've completed the circle, ya know?
Donna: You have a point, Kel. Hey, isn't that mall where they filmed Back to the Future?
Andrea: No, that mall is actually in Pasadena. The producers wanted--
Kelly: Shut up, Andrea.

I have the hugest girl crush on Megan Fox. I don't feel bad about it, either. Because Megan Fox is the kind of girl who would make a republican senator's wife a fail a lie detector test when asked if she ever had homosexual feelings. (Donna is gonna be SO pissed off when she finds out about Megan and David Silver!)

And finally, I'd like to introduce you to Spaghetti Cat's cousin. I don't have a name for him yet, so I thought I'd let you guys name him after watching this clip. Watch the whole thing, there's a surprise ending!

Have I misjudged an entire class of potential suitors based solely on their affiliation with the armed forces?

I think I may have! GO ARMY!

Kittehs takes ridez

It's Friday! Do the Carlton dance!

Happy Friday, Internet!!! I hope you all do a little dance in celebration of this shitastic week being over. And if you had a good week, then you should still celebrate that it's over!!

Here's some things to help distract you from from getting any real work done today.

David Beckham looking muy caliente in an Armani ad. YUMMY.

If you're going to San Francisco.... please take me with you! One of my favorite cities in California.

There's a reason why people love San Diego.

Remember the scene in Men In Black with the alien spaceship? I'm neither confirming nor denying the accuracy of that scene, but let's just say it might be true.

If you haven't seen this video of Ahston Kutcher complaining about his neighbor's construction, please take a moment to watch the minute-long clip. Poor Ahston, being woken up at the ungodly hour of 7AM. The horror!

Okay, WTF is this? Seriously. Like we don't have enough enough people wearing Crocs in this world, we now want our dogs associated with this abomination of footwear? I guess since dogs can't wear shoes, the next best thing was to create doggy beds in the shape of a hideous rubber version of something the Dutch created many years ago. Here is the website from which this atrocity came. And I'm warning you, if you're going to that website to purchase one of these vomit-inducing things, you are no longer welcome on this site. I'm serious. (Ok, not really. But I think you get how much I can't stand this idea.)

So I tried to convince a friend (that's right, I called you out!) to see this movie last night but he refused. I tried for a good 10 minutes to get him to understand what a spectacular movie this is, how many awards it's won, that every single person I've spoken to that's seen it has raved about it. I had my iPhone out, ready to pull up a preview on YouTube, even looked up movie times in surrounding areas. But no. He didn't think it was a movie he'd be interested in seeing and basically told me to drop it. ::Shaking head:: I implore, nay I DEMAND that anyone reading this who has seen this movie leave a comment about how good it was. And if you'd like to go see it again or haven't seen it at all (like me) let me know. Because I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't had the pleasure.


And finally, I know someone who is going to the Superbowl. He is in Tampa as we speak, probably assisting his best friend, a photographer for NFL.com, in taking pictures of the players. AND! He will be seeing Journey live before the game on Sunday. I officially hate you, Steve. So much.
UPDATE: I just got the following text message from Steve in Tampa: "I just saw the little person from In Bruges." The level of jealousy over here has reached volatile levels.

Awesome

Every time I see one of these, I wonder who I can contact to participate.

Celebrity gossip whores such as myself will find this HILARIOUS

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! I know I did =) I'd like to thank my family for getting me such awesome, thoughtful gfits. Among my favorites are my fabulous yellow handbag from Aldo and a gym membership!! I can't wait to start working out.

A little sad news: I was supposed to spend New Year's in L.A., but that doesn't look like it's happening =( To keep my spirits up, here's a little something I found that brings the lol's. Especially the last few seconds. Enjoy!

"Mystique is Pregnant" featuring Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn by Jerry Minor

Random things that have nothing to do with each other

Happy Friday everyone! As always, I hope you're avoiding your responsibilities and leaving work early today. And for those of you in the En-why-cee, you may actually have a legit excuse to do so today: it is snowing like whoa out there! We're getting our first real snowstorm and I'm loving it. That is, until I have to step outside in it. My friends and I have plans to go to dinner and a show tonight so I'm hoping this doesn't turn into a blizzard.

As I like to do on every 5th day of the workweek, I've compiled a list of random things for your Friday enjoyment.

Someone needs to feed Kelly Rippa. Contrary to popular belief among 20-year olds and everyone in Hollywood, there is such a thing as being too thin. And Kelly Ripa proves my point. She needs to eat a bacon cheeseburger like, yesterday.

Michelle Duggar popped out her 37th kid. The couple with 17 kids welcomed their 18th yesterday in Arkansas. Her husband Jim Bob was quoted as saying, "We would love to have more." Upon hearing that statement, Michelle's vagina got up and walked out of the room. It was later found smoking a bowl while booking a one way ticket to the Cayman Islands.

Fringe wasn't that great; try Burn "Notice" instead. The other day I talked about how J.J. Abrams' new show "Fringe" looked promising. Well after watching a second episode I decided it wasn't for me. That wacky science stuff is just too unbelievable for me to take seriously. It's why I never watched X-Files. I did, however, start watching another show on Hulu that lives up to the hype. I've watched 4 episodes of "Burn Notice," and so far, it's pretty excellent. It centers around a ex-government spy who has essentially been kicked out of the spy club. His assets are frozen, his contacts have vanished and he's left to fend for himself in Miami. Ie: he's been burned. So he uses his spy skills to solve random cases for cash while he finds out who in the government did him dirty. What I love about the show is that it doesn't try at all to be like 24. It's more like MacGyver, but way funnier.

Jeremy Piven is lie-telling. At least I think so. According to his doctors, Ari Gold has mercury poisoning and will not be able to continue his performance in a Broadway show called "Speed-the-plow." Mercury poisoning, hmm? Methinks the Pivert wanted out of the show and had to find a legit reason. And he came up with, "I ate too much sushi." Yeah, I bet you did.

I fell down the stairs this morning and hurt my assbone. Again. I'm pretty much a legend in my family for being the most clumsy person ever. Not a holiday goes by that I don't spill the wine or drop the eggs or burn the potatoes or, on one awesome occasion, almost set the tree on fire. So really, you shouldn't be surprised by this latest occurrence. I'll probably fall in the snow later today or drop my drink into someone's chicken. But hey, at least the steps were carpeted this time.

If only he got knocked unconscious

President Bush spent his evening dodging size-10 shoes in Iraq. What did you do today?

While on a "surprise" trip to Baghdad, Bush declared that "the war is not over" which apparently upset a reporter from an Iraqi-owned television station in Egypt. Before Best President Ever could say say nucular miseducation, the reporter flung two shoes at him while yelling, "This is a farewell kiss, you dog!" Throwing shoes at someone is considered highly disrespectful in Arabic culture. Calling them a dog, however, is considered flirting.

Let's watch a reporter flirt with our president while a very bored-looking prime minister looks on.

Throwback!

I have no idea what this video is for, it might be an advertisement for a summer camp. All I know is that I spotted the following people in it: Urkel, Winnie Cooper, D.J. Tanner, and Jennifer Aniston. Those are for sure. Here are some people I think I saw: Dawson Leary, Quin from Dexter, and Ralph Macchio. Ah the 90's. Why didn't my parents ever send me to this place?

They can say that on TV?

When did SNL get funny again?! I think Justin Timberlake should quit his record label and just produce stuff for NBC. Or make random appearances in all their music videos.

I am the eggman...

While you may be distracted by a giant walrus playing the saxophone, please pay attention to the dude in the wetsuit behind the giant walrus. It brings the lols.

I've watched this about 17 times now and laughed every time

YouTube wouldn't let me embed this video, but here's the link. Totally safe for work.

Tell Sloan I said "what up"

I heart Entourage with a passion comparable to the love I have for lobster tacos. It's a deep-rooted, palpable love that is stronger than the ties I have to certain friends. Vince, Turtle, E, Drama and Ari have been my paramours for 30 minutes on 13 Sundays for 4 years now, and I will be heartbroken when I have to say goodbye to them. And that day will tragically come one day.

But until then, I will languish in their comedic relief, bask in their sarcastic humor, soak up every vulgarity and inappropriate comment that comes out of their mouths. Because really, what is life without a few gay Asian assistant jokes?