17 things I've learned since turning 27

*Redheads make awesome roommates.

*Expensive shampoo and high-quality hair products are TOTALLY worth it.

*Name-brand drugs are not.

*Paying off your credit cards early is essential.

*Skinny jeans don't look good on everyone.

*Shapeless dresses don't look on anyone.

*Funky earrings are where it's at.

*The comfort of a good pair of shoes greatly outweighs how cute you look in those killer heels.

*Don't underestimate the value of cheap rent. Living with more than one person, away from the center of everything, can save you a TON of money.

*Cooking is fun!

*Being negative gets you nowhere. Smile often and don't take things so seriously.

*Scarves make awesome, cheap accessories.

*Sex gets better as you get older.

*Internet withdrawal takes about two days. If you can make it that far, you can make it two months.

*Counter space really is as important as HGTV makes it out to be.

*Living together can wait. The longer you wait, the stronger your relationship will be.

*Respect yourself. If you don't, who will?

5 things I'm too old for

I'm turning 27 in a couple of weeks, and really, I'm okay with it. I swear. My only beef with that number is that it's a little strange: you're no longer 24, and therefore can't blame your transgressions on misguided youth; but you're not 30 and no one therefore has the right to ask you when you're having kids. So what is one supposed to be doing at this age if not settling down with a mate and planning a family? If you asked me that question, I'd say, "Living your life to the fullest and being happy." That means a lot of travel, trying new things, and doing all the stuff you didn't have the time (or good sense) to do in your early 20's. Like go to a museum or not spend every weekend drunk.

While 27 is still young enough to spend the occasional night at the club, it's definitely too old (in this humble gal's opinion) for certain things:

1. Cheap shoes. Depending on how fortunate you were growing up, most people start to get sick of attire that falls apart after three wearings. Sure, it's worth it to spend $13 on a top at Forever 21 because, let's not lie, you'll probably try to wear it even after the elastic starts to fade. But shoes? You can't exactly safety pin them back together. And when your heel breaks while walking down the steps of a swanky club, you'll promise yourself never to buy anything from Payless ever again.
2. Staying out all night. I've mentioned before how I can't drink like I used to. Also how much I love my own bed. Combine those facts, and you'll come to the following conclusion: that after the party, I almost always go home. (Almost.)
3. Prposly mispelng wrds n typing thngs like, "omg,lmao i cant believ he sed dat!" Srsly? I'm too old for that nonsense.
   
4. Driving recklessly. I remember a time when I would retaliate if someone tailgated me: I'd move out of their way, then get right behind them and get on their ass. Stupid, I know. Nowadays, I give people the thumbs up sign if they cut me off or flip me the bird. Road rage is not worth the aggravation.
5. Drama. There comes a point in an adult's life when they have to start dealing with shit in a mature way. That means expressing your thoughts and emotions like a rational human being, and not whining and stamping your feet to get your way. Tantrums aren't cute when you're almost 30, and neither are staged acts of attention. In fact, they're embarrassingly transparent and extremely unattractive. If you've resorted to snooping through someone's drawers or humiliating them in public (or worse yet, putting up with that garbage) then it's time to check yourself and your relationships. Self-respect, people! You all deserve it and are capable of having it!!
   

One thing I will never be too old for, however, is a personal sense of style. Don't let anyone tell you that just because you turn 40 you have to cut your hair, or that men over 35 shouldn't wear Chuck Taylors. There's a huge difference between inappropriate and unique.

Getting Older: Weekends then and now

When I was 23 and realized that the world didn't revolve around my shitty ex-boyfriend, a typical weekend might have gone something like this:

Thursday (because weekends start on Thursday when you're 23): Law school drinking night at whatever local bar you've chosen for that night. $2 beers + $1 shots + outdoor smoking area + witty Civil Procedure banter = a night on someone's couch or floor and a wicked hangover for Friday morning classes.

Friday: Choice of (a) date night with whomever you happen to be casually dating at the time. Dinner, drinks, perhaps a sleepover, perhaps a just-under-the-legal-limit drive home. Or option (b) date night with the girls. A bottle of wine, the hottest gossip, sometimes a movie on DVD.

Saturday: Wake up at a ridiculously late hour, lay around all day in your pajamas and do absolutely nothing as you recover from the night before. Swear you'll never drink again. Go out and buy a sexy top for that night. Call your friends and figure out where you're going: Copacabana on the West Side, Spy on 20th street, maybe a lounge in the Meatpacking District with law school friends, perhaps Sutton Place on the East side for a birthday party, maybe a seedy bar called Revolver waaaaaay down on the LES. You never know where, but you always come home late, sloppy, and with a few numbers programmed into your phone that you'll likely never call.

Sunday: A bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwich on the way to the library, or a lazy day at home spent piecing together the events of last night. Did you really get up on that table and dance to "The Sweater Song" by Weezer? Did you really drunk dial your ex boyfriend and tell him you wanted to come over? Maybe some shopping after you vow for the 19th time that day to never drink again, maybe a family dinner during which your relatives smirk at the bags under your eyes and go, "One day, my dear. One day you'll get a real job and have responsibilities and stop all this nonsense." Roll your eyes and promise you'll always have this much fun.

When you're 27, your weekends look more like this:

Thursday: Grey's Anatomy/The Office/30 Rock/whatever Thursday night TV you usually watch. Some chips and salsa and off to bed.

Friday: Maybe a movie (if it's the BIG movie you've been dying to see, like the new James Bond or Star Wreck flick that must be seen that night). Maybe a bottle of wine with the girls at someone's apartment, perhaps dinner with them if you can finally get everyone together. You always leave by 11 and are home before midnight because you're soooo tired.

Saturday: Wake up with a headache from the 2 glasses of wine you had with dinner the night before. Clean the apartment, run the errands you were avoiding all week, shuttle Aunt so-and-so to her sister's house like you promised, maybe help a friend tear out a bathroom. Decline a lunch invitation because you have to get your eyebrows waxed and drop off those papers at your mom's house that you promised you'd take care of last week. Take a nap. Contemplate what to do that night, and decide last night was fun enough, you'll just order in and watch a movie.

Sunday: Respond to the 5 bridal/baby shower/wedding invitations sitting on your kitchen table. Go to three stores to buy two gifts. Call your friends and gossip about the bride/mother's choice of stemware/Diaper Genie. Contemplate getting the gifts professionally gift wrapped or doing it yourself. Call several venues to plan the next shower that you're in charge of. Call other bridesmaids and get opinions. Vow never to get married. Eat a healthy lunch with friends, but only if you haven't seen them in the previous three weeks. Go see the new baby/house/basement. Rush home for Desperate Housewives/Breaking Bad. Vow to get more done/get together with long-lost friends next weekend. Sigh while thinking about all the things you have to do this week. Go to bed and dream about winning the lottery so you can quit your stupid job and move to the beach.

Top 10 reasons why living at home is awesome*

Not my house

We'll start with the obvious...

1. Free cable, internet, heat, water, gas, etc.
2. When someone else does laundry, you are often asked if you have anything to "throw in."
3. You get all the family gossip firsthand, while it's happening.
4. When something major breaks or goes wonky (like the stove exploding), not only is it not your responsibility to fix it, but unless asked, you don't have to spend hours on the phone with a landlord/super/maintenance person trying to convince them that no, you can't live without a toilet for another day.
5. Coffee. Guaranteed. Every morning. Without fail.
   
6. If mom subscribes to the New York Times or People magazine, that means you get to enjoy it when she's done.
7. You don't have to travel on holidays.
   
8. Space to store all the crap you've accumulated from apartments-past.
   
9. You get to enjoy stuff you have neither the space nor money the keep, like a trampoline or Bose surround sound system. Or a German Shepard.
10. There is almost always food in the house, if not cooked especially for you.

*While all great, these things are only awesome if you are single and haven't already lived on your own for an extended period of time. Moving back home after a divorce, for instance, might not be so awesome. Moving back home when you make diddly and have student loans to pay back, pretty awesome.

Getting older sucks sometimes

It finally happened. I had a feeling this day would come, but I didn't think it would be so soon after leaving the four walls of a higher education institution. Another reason why it sucks to get older: I'm officially offended by Family Guy. ::Hanging head in shame::

I don't know about you, but I always thought Family Guy was pretty funny: the tangents, the song and dance routines, the politically incorrect and off-color humor, it was all awesome. (Especially the performance of the song for which this website is named after. Ahem.) I used to watch this show religiously in law school. I had my TiVO programed to record all the reruns, I watched it before I went to sleep at night, and after hours of studying, nothing was better than sitting in my living room with friends, drinking beer and watching late-night episodes.

I didn't really watch the show much after law school, but I recently tried to catch a few episodes online. And wow. I don't know if I changed or if the show changed, but I feel like it's gone WAY past the sexual innuendos and poop jokes for which it was famous. In the most recent episode, Peter brings home a horse. Among the many inappropriate scnenes, we see Stewie drinking horse semen and Peter moaning while the horse licks his ass. (You can vomit now, I almost did.)

I understand that the whole concept of the show is a parody of everyday life, that it's supposed to be controversial. I get that it's a cartoon and that's probably why some of the dirty stuff is funny. But there has to be a line. And I think the writers of Family Guy kinda, sorta crossed it. I'm not sure when or with what episode or sketch, but the horse episode is evidence that it's clearly happened. And for me, when that line was crossed, the show stopped being funny. I think some of the scenes are purposely written to offend people. I think the writers like to see just how far boundaries can be pushed, how far the censors can be tested. I think they became too focused on being the most controversial, talked-about show on television at the expense of a pretty funny, well-written sitcom. Just my opinion.



Like I said... getting older sucks sometimes.

Wherein I admit to being more like my mother than I would ever admit

Someone I know recently blogged about getting older. And I knew exactly what she was talking about: that point in your life where you stop and repeat the last thing you just said, and realize, "Holy shit. I've become my mother." Everyone over 25 has had that moment, YOU included. Maybe it was when you complained about a teenager doing something you are totally guilty of at that age. Or maybe when you made a comment like, "I can't believe her mother let her walk out of the house like that. If that were my daughter...." Or maybe it was the first time you really considered, "I love him, but I could never bring him home to my family" as a legitimate reason to break up with someone. For me, that moment came when I drove past a group of boys skateboarding under a highway overpass and said, out loud, "Oh my God, that is so dangerous!! Good lord, they could roll right into traffic! AND WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?!" Whatever it was guys, you've been there. Maybe you didn't turn into an older black woman like I did, but you've been there.

And when the hell did it happen?! Wasn't it lke 3 short years ago that we were out at some bar on the Lower East side, getting wasted and dancing on tables? Not that that shit is classy or anything, but DAMN was it fun! When was the last time any of us did something crazy like that? A looooong time ago. And you know why? Because we're getting older. Being more "responsible," getting more "mature." We can't go out on Thursday nights anymore because we actually have to be at work on time the next day. And forget Friday night, that's become "me night," the one night a week we actually appreciate staying home by ourselves to watch DVR and decompress. Maybe we'll go out on a random Saturday to catch a movie, but not just any movie... it has to be a really famous movie, one we've been planning to see for a long time. Like James Bond or a comic book movie or like when Sex and the City came out. (Ladies, you know what I'm talking about.... you know you dressed up in your heels and shorts and had cosmos with your girls before going to that movie! )

I could go on, but it's getting pathetic. You get what I'm trying to say here, guys: we're not 23 anymore. We're older, we have jobs, some of us even have kids. We're old enough to say "we're not 23 anymore" and actually be ok with it. We did get more responsible, we did get more mature. And we like it better than your hungover, barely paying the rent, spent $200 on a handbag, didn't go to bed last night, immature ass.

**But we're all still really jealous of you and wish we could all be that young again.

A certain age

Age is a funny thing. People seem to want to classify each other in terms of age, use age as a life marker or milestone. And we never seem to be content with the age we are. When I was 16, I couldn't wait to be 18 so that I could be an "adult." When I was 18, I couldn't wait to turn 21 so that I could [legally] drink. And when I finally turned 21, I wanted to to be 25 because I thought that that was the magic number...the age at which you suddenly gain wisdom and maturity, the age at which a great job and boyfriend fall into your lap, when all of life's questions are magically answered and you know exactly what you want to do with your life.

Well let me tell you something: age aint' nothin' but a number.

I am now 26 years old, a law school graduate with no desire to practice law, a penchant for men who live long distances away, and a strong desire to move across the country and live on the beach. I am by no means the responsible, gainfully employed, one-half-of-a-couple adult I thought I'd be by now. None of life's questions have been answered for me. I didn't suddenly wake up one morning and realize what I wanted to do for the rest of my life; if anything, I have more questions now than I did at 23.

And you know what? I'm fine with all that. I truly am. I know that one day, things will fall into place for me and I'll be content. But until that happens, one of the most difficult aspects about not knowing where I'm going will be watching everyone else's lives fall into place. Here I am, debating whether to drive across the country with no job, no apartment, and no money, and my best friend is working 12 hour days for one of the biggest corporations in the world and planning her wedding. Friends from law school are in a position to turn down job offers while I want to pursue a career I didn't go to school for. Everyone seems to be getting engaged and moving in with their significant others, and all I can think about is how much I love sleeping in my own bed! (I have no desire to fight over who left towels on the bathroom floor, what's wrong with me?!) Where is the guidebook for this kind of stuff? Where is the manual that explains how to deal with being the maid of honor when you're single? Where is the Dummies guide to moving back in with your parents and easing the boredom by baking cookies? And my God, the amount of cookies and cakes and biscuits I've baked since I've been home...

But guess what? There is no guidebook. There are no answers. Being gainfully employed doesn't necessarily make you responsible. Turning 25 or 32 or 48 doesn't make you an adult. There is no magic wisdom that you suddenly wake up with upon turning a certain age. You make it up as you go along and hope it's the right decision. And if it's not, you try and fix it. You don't hide, you don't blame others, you you take responsibility for your decisions and you move on. And THAT is what makes you an adult.