Ten and a half things I learned this holiday weekend

(1) There's no such thing as too many carbs at a Thanksgiving dinner.

(2) You can teach anyone the art of "that's what she said." My aunt has both set me up for, and used that line on multiple occasions since learning it on Friday. Now if only I could teach her the art of hitting a bong....

(3) You can buy a cannoli kit at Costco!!!!!!!!! It comes with pre-made shells and two bags of conveniently-packaged filling. I've been a longtime fan of BJ's, that's what she said, and never saw the need to get a Costco membership.... until now.

(4) Newborn babies love boobs. Seriously. I was holding my one-month old cousin, trying to get him to stop crying. No dice. I gave him to my grandma, who still has quite the rack, and after three minutes of being pushed up against those puppies, the kid fell asleep. She handed him back to me so that I could put him in his little vibrating chair and he started wailing. My mammary-gifted cousin took him, and lo and behold, after 5 minutes on her bosom, he was out. Now please, allow me to clarify that I an not challenged in the boob department; I would actually describe them as nothing less than spectacular. But they're apparently not big enough to comfort a screaming baby. I guess all men are the same...

(5) I suck at Dance Dance Revolution. And Wii tennis. Bowling, however....
(5a) Eight kids in one house is OK because it's not in my house.

(6) I love to cook. OK, so this isn't a recent discovery. But making stuffing, cranberry sauce, a raspberry tart and a chocolate cheesecake this weekend has reinforced my culinary passion. I can't wait to use that pastry dough I have in the freezer. That's what she--wait, that doesn't work here.

(7) My 73-year old uncle got a lap dance from a stripper at a bachelor party last week. And it wasn't the first time.

(8) Forgiveness is a powerful thing. (Completely unrelated to the #8, I swear.)

(9) There's something to be said about having a nice big house on Long Island. Four bedrooms, five bathrooms, an office, a den, a playroom, an eat-in kitchen, floor-to-roof windows in the living room, wood-burning stove, big backyard with a trampoline, a soon-to-be-finished attic that will include a fifth bedroom and second office...

(10) Damn I need a job.

"It was THIS big!"
"That's what she said."

Because a lot of us have it better than some of them

Things I am thankful for this year:

Celebrity gossip websites. Without them, I wouldn't have nearly as much to talk about here.

The awesome world we live in. I've seen a lot of it, but I plan on seeing much, much more in the years to come.

On demand and network websites. I have a TiVO but it's not hooked up (long story.) This actually hasn't posed much of a problem in my TV-watching because every show I watch is either on a cable network that has episodes on demand, or on a regular network that posts their shows online. This comes in handy on Thursday nights when Grey's Anatomy is on at the same time as The Office. My world would collapse if I missed either of those shows.

Makeup removing wipes. The last thing any girl wants to do when she stumbles home drunk from the bars is take her makeup off and wash her face. With these, all you have to do is wipe your face. Hallelujah.

On a serious note, I am very thankful for my friends this year. Studying for the bar was a pretty low point in my life. I don't think I've ever felt more down and out (and dare I say depressed) than during those 2 months. My best friend (hi Natalie!) was always, ALWAYS there for me, giving me constant support, validation and positive reinforcement. I could rely on her to listen to me bitch and whine and she never complained. I thank her for that from the bottom of my heart. And thank you to all my girls and their guys for forcing me to get out of the house on a few Saturdays, you have no idea how much I needed that! (And thanks to Bud for supporting my nasty nicotine habit through it all!)

But I also want to thank everyone else in my life that said they missed me while I was gone. As I've mentioned several times on this site, I sort of fled the country after the bar exam. I went home to the Motherland for what was only supposed to be a 2-week vacation. Two weeks turned into 2 months, and I didn't come home until sometime in October. But when I did, I got so many phone calls and emails from people I didn't expect to hear from--everything from "you're alive!" to "when are we getting together?" to "you're back....let's bang." (OK, that last one was a lie... sort of.) I honestly didn't expect so many people to say that they missed me and that they were happy I was back. It really made me feel good, and reminded me of what wonderful friends I have in my life. So thank you. Thank you Nicolle and Natalie and Caila and Bud and all your men. Thank you law school friends for your constant support and for checking up on me while I was away (I'm lookin' at you, Zman, Rob and Russo!) Thank you to my friends in San Diego (hi Liz!) and Florida and Denver and the Motherland for your long-distance friendships and endless entertainment when I come visit. And an extra special thanks to Stephanie, my roommate, my pumpkin, my love for understanding me better than I think she does.

Thank you and Happy Turkey Day!