Sunday, May 31, 2009

He knows me too well

Steve: I've got the utmost faith in your ability to do whatever it takes to get constant access to lobster tacos


Me: Speaking of dreams, I had one about Mike Rowe last night.
My mother: Haha, really? Was he doing one of his dirty jobs?
Me: Well.... um.... a manner of speaking, I guess you could say he was.
My mother: Huh? Pause. Oooohhhh......

Friday, May 29, 2009

Why do I hear Sarah McLachlan singing "It's a long way down" in my head?

My dad has a very similar picture of himself. And I wonder where I get my adventurous side from...

Summer is fast approaching (although you wouldn't know it here in New York, where it goes down to 47 degrees every night) and it has me thinking about all the fun outdoor activities that come with it. Here are a few I would like to someday partake in:
  1. Learn how to play golf. I dated a guy who relished in teaching me proper swings and grips, and I was all about it--I even went to the driving range and I LOVED it. If I can ever afford lessons, I'm doing it.
  2. Hike a mountain taller than 2,000 ft.
  3. Go camping for more than one night, and without the car in walking distance.
  4. Learn how to dive. I can swim like a fish, but I never learned how to properly dive into the water. Seriously, I look spastic.
  5. Go whitewater rafting. I used to be against this activity. Mostly because I couldn't possibly fathom how wearing a life vest the size of a maternity belly while being jostled around and thrown out of a plastic raft into ice-cold water lined with giant, protruding rocks could be at all fun. But then I talked to someone who'd actually done it and he said it's not that bad. And since this person is related to me, I trust him.....somewhat.
And here are a few activities I have absolutely no interest in doing. Ever.
  1. Kayaking. I'm informally known as the clumsiest person this side of the East River, so I'm thinking that an activity centered mostly around balance and coordination is not for me. That, and I have a major fear of the kayak turning upside down and not being able to get out.
  2. Fishing. Been there, done that. Yawn. Not for me.
  3. Bungee jumping. I swear this has nothing to do with a fear of heights or the cord breaking. Rather, it's all about the paralyzing pain that will overtake my spine when the cord has reached its maximum stretch capacity and my body is flung upwards like a ragdoll. Ouch.
  4. Skydiving. This one is all about a fear of heights and the parachute not opening. I'm guessing that having time to think about your impending death before it actually happens isn't a great way to go.
  5. Paragliding. Think about this for a second. You are strapped into a man-made contraption with a wingspan of 20+ feet that has no motor, no brakes, no parachute, and no deceleration device. Your steering depends solely on your own ability to not crash into things, like trees or mountains. And should you come within mere feet of hitting an object head-on, you can't use your legs to brace yourself for impact because they're strapped into a sleeping bag-like shell and pinned behind you. No thanks. I'd sooner dive off a 20-foot cliff into running water than off a mountain attached to one of those things.
So am I officially a wuss? A pansy? A yellow-bellied coward? Even though I love riding motorcycles and jumping off boats into hundreds of feet of water and wouldn't think twice about going to any country in Africa? Think carefully now....

So have any of you guys tried one of the activities on my Never List? Was it fun? Did you almost die? Should I man up and just do it?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What I did on my San Diego vacation

I played (and won) a game that sounds suspiciously like a very naughty word.

I met the Mole.

I went to a Padres game and sat in All-You-Can-Eat seats for the very first time.

I walked through Balboa Park, possibly my new favorite place on earth.

I visited Stone Brewery and had beer that tasted like banana.

I went to a dance party with the fabulous creators of Gingers is the Watchword during which a giant purple die was tossed around.

I ate at Hodad's.

I drank from the moment I got to San Diego to the morning I left for New York. And it was fantastic.

New York v. San Diego, Round 2

I just got back from my yearly jaunt to the City of Awesome, and as per usual, I'm looking for apartments on Craigslist as we speak. Apartments with hardwood floors and tile countertops... apartments with backyards and palm trees on the property.... apartments that don't cost $2000/month to rent. Fear not my SoCal hippies, I will one day return to San Diego permanently, where I belong.

In celebration of this being my 201st post (God, has it been that long?) I've decided to do a followup of my very first post ever. Except this time I'll put NY up against SD in actual categories, instead of just declaring San Diego the winner. I feel it's fairer this way.

Weather: SD. Is this really a surprise? With temperatures a constant 70 degrees and sunny 362 days of the year, I don't see why anyone would ever leave. I sometimes think I would miss the change in seasons if I moved to San Diego, but then I think about all those winter days when I woke up at 6am to shovel my car out of three feet of snow, only to get it plowed back in an hour later. So yeah, I think San Diego wins this one.

Culture: NY. Only because I haven't spent enough time in SD to know otherwise. I spent a morning at Balboa Park this weekend, walking through Japanese gardens and taking pictures of Spanish architecture, and it was beautiful. But I didn't go inside any museums, so I can't really comment on them. Also, NY has several pockets of Chinatowns, Koreatowns, Little Italy, Spanish Harlem, etc. I haven't heard of any such places in SD--yet.

Food: Tie. I have yet to have a bad meal in my city of Awesome. The produce is fresh and locally grown, the fish you eat is probably caught that morning, and even the fast food is good. (Did someone say In-and-Out Burger??) New York is of course home to a million different kinds of food, and I have nothing bad to say about it. Ergo: tie.
Atmosphere: SD. Let's see.... dirty, gray streets and drab buildings, red brick apartment houses that all look the same, people pushing their way through crowds, beat up cars with music blasting from every open window, street signs that re so confusing that they practically guarantee you'll get a ticket, wet slush lining the sidewalks in the winter, foul smells emanating from them in the summer..... I'm gonna have to go ahead and give San Diego this one, if only for the fact that they have palm trees. And way more parking.

People: SD. I pulled into a gas station on my first day in San Diego just as a woman was trying to maneuver her way through some cars toward the exit. I backed up a few feet to let her through, and she stopped her car next to mine, opened her window, and yelled, "Thank you!!" while waving her hand wildly and smiling. You know what would've happened here in good ole New Douche City? I would've gotten a dirty look and a scolding about watching where I'm going. 'Nuff said.

I think it's safe to say which city has won this little contest. And it ain't the place where it's 57 degrees and raining today.

Many thanks to Liz and Nick for hosting me, and thank you to everyone else that made my trip phenomenal as usual =)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

A programming note and an Asian

I grew up mere steps from Flushing, Queens, the mecca of New York Asians. It's fair to say I've come into contact with a good number of them over the years in a multitude of places. (I won't name those places for fear of perpetuating a stereotype, but let's just say that they're food is delicious, their produce is fresh, and my suits always come back spotless.) But for as many Asians whom I've met over the years, not one of them was as funny as this guy. Or cute. Come on, you know he's cute.

So. That takes care of the funny video for the day. Onto more pressing matters. Like the fact that I'm leaving for San Diego this afternoon!! If y'all don't know, I heart San Diego with the passion of a thousand suns. You can read all about my love for the City of Awesome here and here. Because I'll be away for a few days, posting will likely be light. Stories and pictures upon my return, I promise.

Whatever you're doing, I wish you a fun Memorial Day weekend. Be safe, eat hot dogs, and wear sunscreen. I'll be here:

Maybe doing this:

Gmail chat conversations: I'm so hood

2:30 PM Steve: this is the legal secretary one?
me: i prefer legal assistant
::brushing my shoulder off::
2:31 PM Steve: did you pop your collar too?me: while leaning back
Steve: nice

Monday, May 18, 2009

Getting Older: Weekends then and now

When I was 23 and realized that the world didn't revolve around my shitty ex-boyfriend, a typical weekend might have gone something like this:

Thursday (because weekends start on Thursday when you're 23): Law school drinking night at whatever local bar you've chosen for that night. $2 beers + $1 shots + outdoor smoking area + witty Civil Procedure banter = a night on someone's couch or floor and a wicked hangover for Friday morning classes.

Friday: Choice of (a) date night with whomever you happen to be casually dating at the time. Dinner, drinks, perhaps a sleepover, perhaps a just-under-the-legal-limit drive home. Or option (b) date night with the girls. A bottle of wine, the hottest gossip, sometimes a movie on DVD.

Saturday: Wake up at a ridiculously late hour, lay around all day in your pajamas and do absolutely nothing as you recover from the night before. Swear you'll never drink again. Go out and buy a sexy top for that night. Call your friends and figure out where you're going: Copacabana on the West Side, Spy on 20th street, maybe a lounge in the Meatpacking District with law school friends, perhaps Sutton Place on the East side for a birthday party, maybe a seedy bar called Revolver waaaaaay down on the LES. You never know where, but you always come home late, sloppy, and with a few numbers programmed into your phone that you'll likely never call.

Sunday: A bacon-egg-and-cheese sandwich on the way to the library, or a lazy day at home spent piecing together the events of last night. Did you really get up on that table and dance to "The Sweater Song" by Weezer? Did you really drunk dial your ex boyfriend and tell him you wanted to come over? Maybe some shopping after you vow for the 19th time that day to never drink again, maybe a family dinner during which your relatives smirk at the bags under your eyes and go, "One day, my dear. One day you'll get a real job and have responsibilities and stop all this nonsense." Roll your eyes and promise you'll always have this much fun.

When you're 27, your weekends look more like this:

Thursday: Grey's Anatomy/The Office/30 Rock/whatever Thursday night TV you usually watch. Some chips and salsa and off to bed.

Friday: Maybe a movie (if it's the BIG movie you've been dying to see, like the new James Bond or Star Wreck flick that must be seen that night). Maybe a bottle of wine with the girls at someone's apartment, perhaps dinner with them if you can finally get everyone together. You always leave by 11 and are home before midnight because you're soooo tired.

Saturday: Wake up with a headache from the 2 glasses of wine you had with dinner the night before. Clean the apartment, run the errands you were avoiding all week, shuttle Aunt so-and-so to her sister's house like you promised, maybe help a friend tear out a bathroom. Decline a lunch invitation because you have to get your eyebrows waxed and drop off those papers at your mom's house that you promised you'd take care of last week. Take a nap. Contemplate what to do that night, and decide last night was fun enough, you'll just order in and watch a movie.

Sunday: Respond to the 5 bridal/baby shower/wedding invitations sitting on your kitchen table. Go to three stores to buy two gifts. Call your friends and gossip about the bride/mother's choice of stemware/Diaper Genie. Contemplate getting the gifts professionally gift wrapped or doing it yourself. Call several venues to plan the next shower that you're in charge of. Call other bridesmaids and get opinions. Vow never to get married. Eat a healthy lunch with friends, but only if you haven't seen them in the previous three weeks. Go see the new baby/house/basement. Rush home for Desperate Housewives/Breaking Bad. Vow to get more done/get together with long-lost friends next weekend. Sigh while thinking about all the things you have to do this week. Go to bed and dream about winning the lottery so you can quit your stupid job and move to the beach.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Things I don't need to know about you via Facebook

  • What you had for lunch today, unless it made you sick and I had the same thing.
  • The mildly entertaining thing your kid did today. Sorry, I'm just not there yet.
  • That your mom/boyfriend/neighbor/professor is "soooooo annoyingggg" without further explanation. Tell the story, people.
  • That you're on your way to work, from work, to the store, or to the bathroom. No one is interested in your specific whereabouts at that exact moment in time, I promise you. (Although exceptions will be made for posts from the bathroom.... that's just gangster.)
  • How many more days until you leave for Vegas/Miami/South America/any place warm and spectacular when it's 30 degrees and snowing outside in my neck of the woods.
  • That you had a horrible day and want to be left alone. To me, that screams "attention whore" and that you want someone to ask you what's wrong. If that's the case, call a friend or hug a puppy.
  • The condition of your bowels. Not even if you're my friend in real life, not even if it's life-threatening.
  • Anything remotely related to your sex life. TMI to the tenth power.
What kind of Facebook updates bother you? Do you have that one "friend" who updates their status so much that you have to remove them from your news feed? (I do. So don't feel bad.)

Thursday, May 14, 2009


I'm not even gonna give an introductory sentence. Let's get to it.

So obviously the biggest part of last night's LOST extravaganza was Jacob. But before I get into actual show-related talk, I'd just like to say that I spent the entire two hours of the finale thinking Jacob was Takezo Kensei from Heroes. (Turns out he's not.) Anyway, Jacob spins yarn inside a giant statue and summons a slave ship (which I presume to be the Black Rock) to the island in the 1800's. The dude hanging out with him on the beach tells Jacob he wants to kill him and that someday he'll find a loophole and do it. Flashforward to 2007 when John Locke (or someone who looks like him) wants Ben to kill Jacob. Jacob tells not-Locke that he's found his loophole and Ben (who gave an Emmy-worthy performance) stabs Jacob. Meanwhile, Ilana asks Ricardus what lies in the shadow of the statue, to which Richard answers (in Latin, of course), "He who will protect/save us all."

Okay, the first question that needs to be addressed is who is the dude on the beach and why does he want Jacob dead? What happened all those years ago that caused these two to become frienemies? The possibilities are endless, so I won't even begin to ponder the answer to this question.

Next, how did this dude take over Locke's body? Have there been two Lockes this whole time? Has not-Locke been responsible for some of the crazy stuff that Locke has done in the past, like shoot, stab, kill, generally act creepy? It would definitely explain Locke's strange connection to the island, why he thwarted all attempts at being rescued, why he blew up several Dharma stations. But WHY would not-Locke do all those things? What purpose would they serve in his plight against Jacob? This would definitely be an interesting plot twist--to find out that this Jacob/not-Locke war has been going on the whole time the Losties have been on the island. Imagine we find out that everything we thought Jack and Sawyer and Locke and Dharma were responsible for, it was really some greater force?

Next, what is this loophole that Jacob speaks of? Obviosly not-Locke can't kill Jacob, the same way that Locke (or not-Locke) couldn't kill his father back in Season 3. Back then, he got Sawyer to kill the dude, the same way he's getting Ben to kill Jacob. But he had no problem stabbing Naomi in the back last leason. So clearly the loophole is not-Locke getting someone else to do his murdering for him. But why? What's the significance of that? Why can't he kill?

Next, what's up with Jacob touching (literally) all of the main characters at some point in their lives? Saving Kate from her shoplifting debut, lending Sawyer a pen at his parents' funeral, creepily approaching Locke after he fell out of an 8-story window, telling Sun and Jin to cherish the time they have together, talking to Jack after surgery, and preaching to Hurley about free will... I don't get it. And where does Ilana fit in? Why was she chosen? (And was she speaking Russian? Turkish? Czech?) We knew from the very beginning that most of the people on flight 815 were connected somehow, were brought together by a force much greater than someone dying or avoiding a murder charge. That force is obviously Jacob, but why? That is still the great big mystery of the Island--what is its deal and why did it/Jacob choose these particular people to come to it?

So what lies in the shadow of the statue? The dude who will save us. And who is that? Well, it could be Jacob. It could also be not-Locke. Or dead Locke. Or Richard. Or Ben. Or Ilana. It could be Vincent the dog for all we know. There are so many things lying in the shadow of that damn statue that we really have no idea who will save us. Maybe Jack & Co. will somehow be transported to that very place and time after the blast and HE will be the one who saves us. Who knows. All I'm sure of is that it either (a) really was Jacob, and now Ben/not-Locke killed him, causing some kind of rift in the universe that has unspeakable consequences, or (b) it never was Jacob, but one of the other 19 possibilities.

Next, I'd like to talk about Juliet and her crazyface. First she's in love with Sawyer and is all happy to leave the island with him. Then Kate strolls down the ladder and she gives her the "Not this bitch again" look, after which Kate convinces her to get off the sub and save Jack? WHAT?! Why on God's green earth would she want to help Kate and go BACK to the island? Okay, so fine. She decides, for whatever reason, to go stop Jack from detonating the H-bomb. Then she sees Sawyer look at Kate all "you're the one I want to live in a hut with for the rest of my life" and decides to now HELP Jack blow them all away. Because if it works and she never met Sawyer, she wouldn't have to deal with breaking up with him. Huh? Bitch, have you lost your mind?! I don't buy this "I changed my mind" bull for one second. Something didn't sit well with me when she fell down the hole and tried hard to make the bomb explode. Something is up with her, and it's not Sawyer.

Some other things worth mentioning:
  • Rose and Bernard made their triumphant return with Vincent the dog. The way they were truly disappointed to see Sawyer and company made me laugh out loud. "It's always something with you people." So true, Rose. So true.
  • STILL no Claire. Why hasn't Claire resurfaced? Where is she? I need to know.
  • What was up with Sun finding Charlie's DriveShaft ring? That must hold some signifance, right?
  • Sayid got shot!! NOT COOL.
  • Jack and Sawyer beat the PISS out of each other, and it was surprisingly hot. I hate fighting and bloodshed, I always turn my head when people start throwing punches on TV. But for some reason, this particular fight was kinda sexy. I was rooting for Sawyer--Jack needed to get his ass beat down like Chris Brown on Rihanna.
  • Juliet falling into the hole was probably the most emotional scene of the entire two hours. You could tell that Sawyer genuinely has love for her, which broke my heart a little.
  • What was written on that scrap of tapestry on the wall of the cabin, and why was it burned down? Who is Ilana, what's her purpose on the island?
  • And finally, Jacob ends the scene in the foot by saying "They're coming." Who are "they"?
That's all I got. I didn't take notes, and my brain is starting to hurt from all the thinking. I guess we'll have to wait until 2010 to get the answers to all of these questions. Which means I'll have to find another show to start blogging about..... Any suggestions?

Two things

First, I love Keith Olbermann more than words can say. For the first time since Prince William, I am considering stalking a public figure in hopes of getting them to fall madly in love with me and have 10,000 of my liberal babies.

Second, I am now officially published. That article I was working on for a travel website is up, and my mother couldn't be prouder. (More proud?) Ch-ch-check it out: The Savvy Explorer dot com.

LOST post coming later today.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Something else I need less of: Kanye's ego

I used to think Kanye was the most arrogant bastard to ever spit a rhyme. Every other word out of his mouth is about how great and amazing he is, how he's the voice of our generation. The first (and only) time dude was ever on Oprah he basically told Queen O that his shit don't stink. I've only seen Oprah give a handful of people the side-eye, and after 10 minutes in her chair, Kanye officially became one of them. Kanye loves himself so much that he said his greatest tragedy is that he will never be able to see himself perform live. THAT, my friends, is conceit in its purest form. If Kanye's love for himself came in crystal meth, it would be the kind Whitney and Bobby smoke before beating the hell out of each other for the cameras. Seriously, even Donald Trump doesn't love himself as Kanye does (as evidenced by that dead animal he wears atop his head, but I digress.)

Despite Kanye's bromance with his own greatness, I have to respect his gangster. In the music industry, you have to respect and believe in yourself if you want anyone else to take you seriously. Whatever your definition of the word "mogul," Kanye's doing it right. He's a phenomenal performer, a talented producer, a savvy businessman, and most recently an up-and-come fashionisto. And for all the love Kanye has for Kanye, I don't think he's obnoxious about it. He doesn't go around expecting people to give him free stuff or get out of assault charges just because he's Kanye; he expects people to buy tickets to his concerts and play six of his songs on the radio because he's Kanye. Yes he thinks he's the next Michael Jackson, but his next song won't be about how he sold more records than Michael. Kanye gives respect where respect is due, which in turn makes me respect him.

I also like Kanye because despite his celebrity, he keeps it real. He has a blog, but he doesn't just use it to update the world on how amazing he is (he uses his songs for that.) He mostly uses his blog to clear up rumors or call people out on their shit, and most of the time, I completely agree with him. I don't read his blog, but I do catch snippets of it on other websites every so often. Kanye recently blogged about a fictitious Twitter account created in his name, and I have to admit, it was very entertaining. I had to sit quietly with my eyes closed afterward to recover from his caps lock affinity, but it was worth it:
GASP!! Kanye doesn't have a Twitter account. ::Stunned silence:: You mean he doesn't want to let the world know what he's up to every second of every day? But how will people know how great and amazing he is if he doesn't constantly remind them?! How will people know what he just ate for lunch and what sneakers he bought so they can go out and eat at the same thing and buy the same sneakers and be JUST LIKE KANYE?!

That's easy: Kanye doesn't need Twitter to let the world know how awesome he is; he does that just by being Kanye. (Also, I still think Twitter is stupid. If the Greatest Voice of Our Generation doesn't need to twat (typo, but it stays) about his whereabouts and bowel movements, then I think the rest of us are just fine without it.)

And by the way, I now know why Kanye wears those gay-ass sunglasses that look like window blinds: because he can't read his own writing without some sort of protective eyewear. That, or he needs them to stop himself from jumping the mirror every time he gets a glimpse of how AMAZING he is.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

How to annoy me

Stand outside my bedroom window calling my name at 6:05 IN THE MORNING. I understand you forgot your keys, but damn! I had to be up at 6:45 so you know I didn't fall back asleep.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!!

Justin Timberlake should quit his day job and work for SNL full-time.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Cannot wait to see this movie!

I realize the video below obscures half of my page, but I don't care--it's worth it. From the director of Old School, which just happens to be one of my all-time favorite movies, I present to you.....


Some irrational fears

You have some pretty strange ones too, right? I know I'm not the only one. Here goes:
  • My fourth grade teacher once said that you should never sleep with your ankles crossed because you could lose circulation in your feet, which could lead to amputation. Seventeen years later, I never keep my ankles crossed for too long.
  • I am deathly afraid of raw chicken. Whenever I cook with it, I wash every single utensil and cooking accoutrement the second I'm done using it, and the dishrags go right into the laundry.
  • I never turn the fan on high because I'm afraid it'll spin too fast and fly off the ceiling.
  • I let towels dry before putting them in the hamper because I'm afraid they'll get moldy if they sit in there too long.
  • I try not to wear pointy-toed shoes two nights in a row because I'm afraid my toes will turn inward.
  • I obsessively check things cooking in the oven to make sure they don't burn.
  • I have never, not once, ever in my life done any drug other than the mary jane. I am so paranoid that I'll overdose and die that trying anything new just doesn't interest me.
  • I avoid revolving doors as much as possible because I'm afraid of getting stuck in one.
And that about covers it... the ones I'm willing to admit, anyway. What about you? What are your weird/irrational/interesting fears?

Friday, May 8, 2009

A day late and a theory short

Okay. So. LOST. It was a total mind-f*ck. That's all I have to say about it. Happy Friday, y'all!!

I kid, I kid. It really was a total mind-f*ck, but I would never just leave it at that. Let's delve into the Other parts of our brain and get confused, shall we?

First of all, Jack is starting to creep me out a little bit. All season he's been so passive about everything, so "It's not up to me, what happens/ed happens/ed." And then all of a sudden this week he has a plan to get the Losties back to 2007 Los Angeles--by detonating a hydrogen bomb. I'm not a bomb expert or anything, but wouldn't that kill them and blow up the entire island before it saved them? UNLESS!! Wait for it.... unless that's exactly what Jack wants. What if that's his plan, to kill himself in an attempt to obliterate the island? Sure he says that the whole wacky time travel thing will save them and that the second the island disappears, they'll magically be transported back to their Santa Monica apartments and houses on the hills. But what if he's come to end of his rope and blowing up the island is just a convenient way to kill himself while saving everyone else? Kate was right when she said that he's turning into Locke. (More on Jack in a minute.)

Speaking of Locke.... I can't even begin to understand the time implications of that whole compass scene. As I understand it, Locke gave Richard a compass in 1954 so that Richard could give Locke that same compass in 2004(7?) when Locke was shot. Where did Locke get the compass to give to Richard in 1954? From Richard in 2004(7?), of course. What the what? HOW?! Where did the compass come from? Who had it first? I smell deserpately need a timeflash to explain how the compass came into existance. As for there being two Lockes in the same time.... I mean, we've seen that the same person at different ages can be in the same "time" at once (Ben, Miles, etc.) but never like this. This scene was just creepy.

Which brings me to Richard. Never-aging, ever-present Richard. "He's kind of an advisor," Ben explains to Sun, "and he's had that job for a very, very long time." A-duh. Every era we glimpse, Richard is there. Always with a group of people he's creepily leading, and always with a knowing smirk on his face. So he's a creation of the island, no? Something that watches over the precious land throughout time, ensuring that there is always conflict between this group called The Others/Hostiles and whomever else happens to be on the island (military intelligence in the 50's, the Dharma Initiative in the '70's, Rousseau in the '80's, survivors of Oceanic 815 in 2004, etc.) But where did he come from? How does he never age? Why is he the only constant thing on the island throughout time? And why is he not really in charge? The power structure seems to be Jacob --> Charles Widmore/Eloise Hawking/Ben/Locke/anyone else but Richard--> Richard. If he's the only one that never dies, wouldn't it make more sense to keep him in charge? What's up with that?

Regarding other people with shit-eating grins, does anyone else want to smack that smirk off Juliet's face? I wrote in my notes last night (yes I take notes while I watch LOST, specifically so you can have well-informed LOST posts, so shut it) the following sentence: "I want to bitch-slap Juliet across her smarmy face so bad." It's like nothing phases that woman. My sister is barren? Sad face. My douchey ex-husband died? Happy face. Jack wants me? Horny face. Sawyer wants Kate? Death face. But all of those faces look the same!! I swear she smirked after Phil punched her in the face. (And so did I.) I also had to smile when Kate came waltzing down the hatch of the submarine. Juliet and Sawyer thought they were gonna live happily ever after on Microsoft stock (always scheming, Sawyer, always scheming) and BAM! Just like that, Freckles makes her return. Womp womp.

So. Where does all this leave us?
  • Jack, Richard, Ellie (who is clearly pergnant with Daniel) and Sayid (!) want to blow up the H-bomb to save the island (?).
  • Kate said "hell no" to that idea and was subsequently caught and put on the sub with Sawyer and Juliet. (By the way, did anyone else think Sawyer would jump off the top of the sub and into the water after seeing Juliet into it?) I however doubt that this sub is going to Ann Arbor; something tells me these three will be dropped off in some extra-special location before the sub returns to the mainland.... perhaps on a smaller, nearby island that has the unmistakable smell of polar bear feces?
  • Hurley, Miles and Jin are out in the jungle with guns and food, which leads me to believe they will encounter Jack and try to stop his hair-brained idea. And/or encounter Sawyer and his heirum and try to save them. And/or encounter the Hostiles/Others and try to defeat them. And/or ad infinitum.
  • Locke, who thinks he's in charge of the Others but really isn't, wants to find Jacob. We always thought Locke had some special bond with the island, that he was some sort of Richard-like being that belonged on the island, but now we find out that's not true. Either Locke changed his tune, or he was fooling us bigtime, but now he wants to find Jacob not to bow down to him, but to kill him. I like this plan a lot better.
  • Surprise surprise, Ben is not on Locke's side. Why would he be? Do I smell an uprising? Some sneaky stuff on Ben's behalf? A double-cross by Richard who is all of a sudden on Locke's side? Or at least pretends to be? The possibilities are endless.
One final theory that I hadn't thought of before and admittedly got from another website, but that totally makes sense: Jack is Jacob. I mean, it sorta makes sense: Claire is his Jack's sister, and she seems to have some special bond with Jacob. Christian is his dad, and what has he been up to lately? Jacob spoke to Locke, and only to Locke, and said "Help me." What if that help means, "Kill me. Kill the island and end my misery. I've been stuck here forever and ever and I want out. FML." Although if this theory is true and I just stumbled upon the surprise ending of the entire show, I will be VERY upset.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

On why there was no LOST post today

Last night I went to Shea Stadium Citi Field for a Met game.

It was my first time in the new stadium and it was pretty awesome.

I'm slightly obsessed with Jose Reyes.

I'm a Queens girl through and through, what can I say?

Your weekly LOST post will be coming first thing tomorrow morning. Swearsies.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Do you know what today is?

No Liz, it's not our anniversary*.

It's LOST Day!! Yay!!**

*Inside Boston University joke.

**I realize how obsessed I am with this show and I'm totally okay with that.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Ridiculously hot video of Megan Fox

Look. I'm a straight girl through and through. Men are hands down my thing, and I definitely could not deal with another woman as my life partner.


There are certain types of hot that transcend sexuality and gender preference. And one of those is Megan Fox.

I admit it, I have a crush on her. A huge one. She is ridiculously hot and I definitely watched this video she did for Esquire magazine. Three times.

You're welcome.

Matt Saracen on the big screen.... Yes, please!!

Remember how you felt after college when you moved back home and had no job, no plan, and no future? How you wrote 30 cover letters a day, got shut down at every interview, and eventually took a job that paid $10 an hour just so you would stop sleeping til noon and raiding your parents' fridge? Yeah. That's what this movie is about.

It's called Post Grad and it stars Alexis Bledel (Rory from "Gilmore Girls") and Zach Gilford (QB1 from "Friday Night Lights.") It looks cute, and I think a lot of people will relate to the plot.... if they're 23 and just graduating from college. At almost 27 with a law degree.... Let's just say that I'm keeping my options open.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

How to annoy me, Queens edition

Step 1*: Let your child scream "Mommy!" in such a desperate, pitiful way and for such a long time, that I think a kid is being attacked in my yard and finally call the police.

Step 2: Let your million-decibel house alarm go off SIX TIMES at 1 o'clock in the morning.

Step 3: Light plastic or other man-made materials on fire, causing a vomit-inducing smell that permeates every room of every house on the block. Thanks for the lung damage!

*Please note that any one of these steps will sufficiently annoy me and all three need not be completed unless attempting to induce maximum and homicidal annoyance.

Friday, May 1, 2009


While I do enjoy talking about myself (and LOST), I will not hesitate to use this website to promote the interests of my friends. I've linked to Liz and Red over at Gingers Is the Watchword on more than one occasion, as I have with Z-man over at Death of the Courtesy Wave. [Side note: Why do my friends' blogs have such long names?] To prove to you that I have friends who are known for things other than blogging, it's someone else's turn to be shouted out on my website... a someone who just happens to be a filmmaker, and who just happens to have made a film recently.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you Mr. Todd M. Jones.

Todd and I went to law school together, and humorously enough, ran against each other for President of the Student Bar Association. He was clearly the better candidate (because he won) and way more qualified to be President of the student government at a Jewish law school (because I have no patience and often make off-color Jewish jokes. [See: "Jewish jokes" tag]). Despite being the better man for the job, Todd remained courteous and kind and even asked me to be part of his cabinet as a representative. Todd, in other words, is good people. Which is why I'm plastering his likeness on my website without his permission. (Hi, Todd!)

Mr. Jones and his crew have just completed their latest feature-length film. It's called Throws of Passion and it looks hilarious. Here's what Todd himself has to say about the movie:
Its a "mockumentary," which means if you enjoy THE OFFICE, or RENO 911! or THIS IS SPINAL TAP, then you would dig the style in which this movie is made. It's about a failed cable TV station and the last program it worked on - a Rock, Paper, Scissors tournament.
I watched the trailer three times today and can't wait to see the movie. Check out the trailer for Throws of Passion!!

To Todd, his crew, and everyone in the film (some of whom I recognize), congratulations and much luck! You deserve it!!