Five people I would not want to be

(1) The Obamas' future dog. I swear there's been more media coverage on what kind of puppy they're getting than of his economic policy. Do you know what kind of pressure that canine will be under? Stand up straight, don't shit in the Lincoln Bedroom, don't bite the reporters.

(2) Michael Phelps's publicist. Did you get a look at the chick he's dating? She's a waitress as the Palms in Vegas. Enough said.

(3) One of the Duggar kids. Aside from the fact that they quote scripture and don't drink alcohol and, here's why:

• Michelle and Jim Bob (that's his real name) Duggar have 17 kids and are pregnant with their 18th.
  
• They invited a family with 16 children to come stay with their flock for 2 weeks. "I'm used to cooking for so many people, what's 18 more?"
• Their kids wear "modesty swimsuits." I'm pretty sure those are actual Duggar children in the ad.
  
• They went to a place called The Creation Museum. Because that's how much they don't believe in evolution.
  
• Their oldest son is engaged to some 18-year old chick who he can't kiss until he's married to her.

(4) Katie Holmes when she finds out about Tommy Girl's sex dungeon and finally wakes up from her Xenu-induced trance. Something tells me that she and Nicole Kidman will the best of friends in about 8 years. (But Tommy Girl still won't believe in depression.)

(5) Joey Lawrence's wife. Again.... he's gay, right?

I never thought about it. But now that I have, I sort of agree

Because the Internet is a wonderful and magical place (and also because I'm a huge celebrity gossip whore) I tend to find a lot of interesting [read: useless] stuff on the Interwebs. For instance, did you know that Spender Pratt and Heidi Montag got married last week? What's that? You don't know who they are? Wait, you don't care? Me neither!! But I still know about it thanks to Perez Hilton, and that has to count for something.

I justify my hourly checking of those silly websites by reminding myself that for every 10 useless nuggets of information about Brad Pitt's hair, there is usually something about a man marrying his goat or a large woman taking a tumble that's worth checking out. Every so often I stumble across something that makes me go, "Wow. They really said that/shot that out of their mouth." At which point I either pass it along to my friends in an email, or I post it here and share it with you guys. (You should feel lucky when I choose the latter, as it takes a lot more work. You're welcome.)

So this morning, as I was blog-checking and site-stalking, I came across this article about Nicole Kidman and her new movie, Australia. Now before you read it, you should know two things: first, I don't hate Nicole Kidman. I think she's a lovely lady who came under the wicked spell of an evil genius until she was dropped like a french fry at an inner city McDonald's. Second, my reaction to this article was much like the reaction I had to Wanda Sykes announcing she's gay: I cocked my head to the side, put one hand on my hip and wagged my finger with the other while saying, "Huh. Come to think of it, that makes perfect sense." Here's a little of what the article had to say about Nic:

"She can't act. Instead, she drifts around films like a lost porcelain doll, looking frozen, brittle and vapid, staring at the camera with her oh-golly-look-how-I'm-looking-interesting blue eyes."

Hehehe. Enjoy.