Sunday, December 14, 2008

Best and worst: First date

I thought this might be a fun new category to introduce to the blog. And what better way to kick things off than with something juicy like dating? Because one or more guys I used to date reads this site, I won't tell any embarrassing stories involving them. But I will GLADLY talk about other random dudes from my past.

Best first date: It was my second year of law school. I had just moved into an apartment with two friends from school. I was getting over a particularly shitty summer that included a breakup and the death of my grandfather. For the first time in a long time, I was letting loose. I met a guy at a bar in Manhattan. He was 31 and a lawyer with one of THE biggest law firms in the world. He took my number and promised to call. And he did! We went out the following Saturday night and it was great. We had a romantic dinner, we talked, he took me to the Wet Bar at the W hotel, then to this small pub by his apartment where the song after which this blog is named came on the jukebox and we both sang all the words. I won't go into further detail, but I met his cat and it was a totally awesome first date.

Worst first date: Same time period as above. Still letting loose, loving the single life. Met a guy at a Halloween party on Long Island. Did some harmless making-out-like-15-year-olds. Found out he was 20. Yup, you read that right. I made out with a 20-year old when I was 24 and in law school. Why then, do you ask, did I agree to go out on a date with him? ::Hanging head in shame:: I can't answer that question. He picked me up and I gave him the tour of the apartment. (I won't lie, it was a pretty sweet place.) After noticing the hardwood floors, the fireplace, the built-in bookshelves, he said, "Wow, this place reminds me of my grandma's house." After he called his mom for directions, we drove to a sushi place in his 1999 Acura where he told me all about his dream of becoming a personal trainer. He told me about his part-time job at GNC and the importance of vitamin B-12 and the proper way to bench press 100lbs. He kept saying he loved girls with ambition and was impressed that I was in law school because that must be like, totally hard. After dinner he asked if I wanted to see a movie because he was like DYING to see Saw 3 and his friend worked at the movie theater and could totally get us in for free. After the movie we drove back to my apartment while listening to a CD of his friend's band. He walked me to my door and declared that even though we'd made out before, he wasn't going to kiss me because a gentleman never kisses on the first date. Sometime during the date I gave him email address, probably so he could email me a list of vitamins I should be taking and what carbs I should avoid. He emailed me a picture of himself shirtless the next day with the message "totally not showing off but this is me after I learned the rite [sic] way to free lift." After ignoring his phone calls for a week, he left me a final voicemail that said, I shit you not, "I've been trying to call you for a while now but you're not picking up. I guess you're not into me and that's cool. I just thought we had a really fun time the other night. I don't know, I guess I read the signals wrong. I just really thought you were into me. But that's cool, I get it. Law school and stuff. It's totally whatever. Have a nice life I guess. Maybe I'll see at Rich's next keg or something."

Don't judge. You know you've been there. Maybe you weren't borderline committing a crime (or were you?) but you know you've all been on some pretty horrible first dates: the balding man who flossed his teeth at the table. The gorgeous girl who would NOT. SHUT. UP. The foreign dude who spoke 14 English words that you actually understood. Right, guys?


red said...

People in San Diego don't seem to go on dates. I could count on one hand the number of "dates" I've been on in my lifetime. It's kinda sad, really.

Liz said...

I went on a first date that lasted nine hours once. Some people don't seem to think that's all that bad, but for me, it was WAY. TOO. LONG. Especially because I wasn't even that into the guy.