Trying something new on for size

I was looking through all of my photos a few weeks ago and noticed something interesting: I have a lot of pictures of shoes. This isn't surprising, considering my borderline-psychotic obsession with footwear. When I first noticed all the pictures of shoes I had, I was like, "I have to post these." But how? My inner editor was all, "You can't just post 30 pictures of shoes. You need an angle. What's your angle?" I answered, "Approximately 45 degrees." An Irish-style brouhaha ensued when my inner editor accused me of being cute. "Cute?" I retorted. "You know what's cute? These Kenneth Cole boots in your ass!" "Why don't you take a picture of it?" my inner editor mocked.

Aha! An angle! And thus the idea was born. What if I went through some pictures, cropped out everything but the bottom part, and let the shoes tell the story! Surely that would be entertaining! BRILLIANT!

The best way to tour Venice is a Gondola ride on the Grand Canal. The worst way to tour Venice is hungover in 95 degree heat.

To avoid falling on slippery cobblestones when walking through a city founded in 1279, one should (a) not wear flip-flops, (b) not be drunk, or (c) pee before leaving the restaurant.


True or false: those pink water shoes cost me $4 at a store in the city where my mother was born.
FALSE! It was the city where my father was born.


What's going on this picture? Am I (a) kissing a dude wearing a fanny pack, (b) trying make a dude in a fanny pack stop squeezing my head, or (c) getting suited up to take a ride on a motorcycle?


My favorite purchase from the Motherland.


Choose the correct answer: In this picture, (a) the girl on the right has one hand up in a crossing guard STOP-like motion, (b) the guy on the left looks like he knows he's about to get on a boat full of Germans who know every song ever made, EVER, (c) the dude on the right is about to moon me, or (d) all of the above.


True or false: I wear these in public.
Absolutely true.


Babies dancing! (Those killer black heels on the left are mine.)


My male cousin is wearing a sarong because (a) he's gay, (b) he loves making his friends laugh, (c) he's doing something that ultimately ends in an imitation of the Statue of Liberty. (The correct answer is (c).)


Which train am I waiting for? (a) The G line in Queens, (b) the Red line in Boston, or (c) the S-Bahn in Berlin.


I chill with pigs.


And Spanish frogs named Señor.


Ah, the Dutch. They've given us so much.


The weekend after I took the bar, I went a little crazy and agreed to go upstate with my dad, aunt, and grandma. The weekend after I took the bar, I apparently had no regard for my personal appearance.


Another shot from that fateful weekend. I was clearly a train wreck.


My favorite pair of shoes. Have I redeemed myself?


Pop quiz: are these guys (a) stomping out a fire, (b) doing the hokey pokey or (c) using a Coke bottle as a guitar and making up their own dance?


Volcanic rock=black sand=feet that look dirty but really aren't. Costa Rica.


The night before this picture was taken I slept outside on a cliff overlooking the ocean. Sounds romantic, right? WRONG! No tent, no shelter, no bug spray, just me and a blanket. And the mosquitoes. And the wild boars.


We got smart the following year. Yay for tents and pillows!


After the Berlin Wall came down, there was this line of rock and rubble that separated East and West Berlin. Rather than pave over it, cobblestones were laid in certain parts of the city where the wall used to be. This photo is the real reason I wanted to do a post about how shoes can tell a story.

Now please excuse me while I try and figure out which of these shoes I still have, and which I must replace with a trip to DSW. I wasn't kidding when I said I was obsessed.