Why was I not informed of this earlier?

Oh that's right, because I had my hand up the asses of 34 turkeys. (It's not what it sounds like--I volunteered at a soup kitchen the night before Thanksgiving and gave some birds a butter massage. Wait, that doesn't sound--ah fuck it.)

So get a load of this: everyone's favorite political talking head, the being I so lovingly call the Mother of all C*nts, was finally silenced. Ann Coulter's jaw was wired shut last week. Can you taste the irony?

This article was so good that I had to transcribe (read: copy and paste) the entire thing:

Best-selling author and political commentator, Ann Coulter, has been silenced. Not by critics, but reportedly by a busted jaw.

The New York Post's Page Six reports that "although we didn't think it would be possible to silence Ann Coulter, the leggy reactionary broke her jaw and that the mouth that roared has been wired shut."

Rarely short of opinions to voice, Coulter has many fans on the political right and has earned the ire of leftists, whom she openly disdains. Here are some of Coulter's gems of wisdom, the likes of which we may have to live without in coming weeks.

• "If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen."
• "I was going to have a few comments about John Edwards but you have to go into rehab if you use the word faggot."
• "I'm more of a man than any liberal."
• "Liberals love America like O.J. loved Nicole."
• "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity."
• "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building."
• "The swing voters -- I like to refer to them as the idiot voters because they don't have set philosophical principles. You're either a liberal or you're a conservative if you have an IQ above a toaster."
• These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by grief-arazzis. These self-obsessed women seemed genuinely unaware that 9/11 was an attack on our nation and acted as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them. ... I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much ... the Democrat ratpack gals endorsed John Kerry for president ... cutting campaign commercials... how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy."

It's unclear how Coulter's jaw was broken.

I love how they list a bevy of quotes that would make even the most God-fearing, gun-toting Alabama congressman want to bitchslap the ho, and then tell us it's unclear how she broke her jaw.

I bet it was Bill Maher.