I have never been one for new year's resolutions. They're just a setup for disappointment and failure, and I've had enough of that in my life. So instead of making my own list of things I probably should do but never will, I thought I'd talk about what I'd like other people to do this year.
Stop giving your kids dumbass names. There is one day going to be a classroom in Beverly Hills where the roster will look like a list of encyclopedia topics: Moses, Bronx, Puma, Pilot, Banjo, Battlestar Galactica. I'm just waiting for Mariah Carey to name her twins Dolce and Gabana for the circle to be complete.
Pull your pants up. I am BEYOND thrilled that we're moving away from the "I wear my pants below my waist because I'm so hood" look. Most men have figured out that there's nothing sexy about size 44 jeans. But there are still a few
Don't have 18 kids. Even if your husband's name is Jim Bob. Even if you can think of 20 names that start with the same letter. Unless you are giving birth to trained assassins created solely to protect Jason Bourne, there's really no good reason for it.
Travel. If you can afford it, don't spend your vacation on your couch. Because before you know it, that couch will be filled with screaming, whiny kids that don't travel well and really kill the mood in Amsterdam. Oh and I hear San Diego is really nice.
Buy some property. If you have money stashed away for a rainy day, that rainy has come. And it's called The Recession of 2009. Sure, you may have to put 20% down and do some minor repairs. But that foreclosure you just bought for $200,000 can probably be sold for $500,000 in a couple of years. (Disclaimer: that was in no way intended as legal or financial advice. Invest at your own risk.)
Watch all the TV shows I like. Not only because they're really good shows, but because the more people watch them, the less likely they are to go off the air. Here are a few: Burn Notice (on USA, also on Hulu and usa.com), How I Met Your Mother, The Office, 30 Rock, Grey's Anatomy (yes I still watch it, shut up), Weeds, Californication, Dexter (all on Showtime), and Entourage (HBO.) I haven't reached Mad Men in my Netflix queue yet, but I'll be sure to let you know how it is!
And finally: don't be a douchebag in 2009. Have some respect for the people around you. Don't preach your way as if it's the only way. Be tolerant. Be helpful. If someone is running towards you screaming, "Hold the elevator!" then hold the elevator. Unless that screaming person is Tom Cruise. In which case push that DOOR CLOSE button like your life depends on it and run like hell if he makes it on.
Happy New Year, everyone!