Tuesday, October 28, 2008

It's not OK to wear a speedo. Unless you're European. Or my dad... wait, that's not OK, either...

I like men. I enjoy them very much, actually. Especially the more scruffy-looking ones. Finals time in law school was always my favorite people-watching time of year because for 3 weeks, no one cut their hair or shaved. So it goes without saying that I don't exactly prefer the pretty boys. You know, the ones that get manicures and and shave their chests. But that doesn't mean I'm attracted only to bums and surfers; there is definitely something sexy about a man in a suit.

There are, however, a few qualities about the way certain put-together men present themselves that I really dislike. Like refusal to wear flip-flops. What is that about? Do they think it's un-manly to expose their feet? Flip-flops are not just for chicks, which may be the reason Old Navy and American Eagle have an entire wall dedicated to men's summer footwear. To the dudes who think it's girly to wear thongs: get over yourselves. (Unless you're wearing actual thong underwear, in which case I should probably direct you to the women's shoe department.)

It also really bothers me when men don't wear belts with shirts tucked into their pants. My eye immediately goes to their waistline and I get an irresistible urge to grab them and take them to the nearest Macy's and introduce them to their new favorite leather accessory. This may be the reason I don't like suspenders--not because they look funny, they don't at all; I actually think they make a man in a suit look distinguished--but because if you're wearing suspenders, you're not wearing a belt.

And please. For the love of all things holy, STOP WITH THE THUG WEAR. It's not 1997 anymore. Timberland boots should be worn only on construction sites and by loggers in northern Oregon. Additionally, please pull your pants up. Because our president said so.

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