Friday, December 5, 2008

What if life COULD be the French Riviera?

Happy Friday, everyone! I hope you're all taking a long lunch today and leaving work early. Or at the very least, throwing back a few on your lunch hour. Because what better way to say "I'm so thrilled to still have this soul-crushing job in such a shitastic economy!" than giving your boss the finger as you walk in from a 2-hour lunch bogged down with Macy's bags and smelling of Jameson? (Disclaimer: I am in no way suggesting you do any of the above. But if you do, and happen to get fired, please let me know how I can forward your boss my resume.)

For those of you who are diligently sitting at your desks pretending to do work, here's a few things to help get you through the day.

Victoria Beckham says she's not a famewhore. And I believe her! She recently told the Daily Mail that doesn't court fame, and that the only grand entrances she makes are through the kitchens of L.A. restaurants. I can see how some people might disagree, considering her huge following. But think about it: when was the last time you saw Victoria Beckham on a red carpet? When was the last time you saw a paparazzi photo of her doing anything other than walking out of a store or doing something with her kids? Yes, she's rail thin and dresses like she's having tea with Elton John every day. But isn't that what fashion icons do?! How else are you going to promote your line if you don't wear your clothes and look fabulous in them? I call that a smart marketing plan, not a ploy to get media attention.

Speaking of whoring yourself out to the media... Mark your calendars. Michelle Duggar is giving birth to her 37th child on TV. Because allowing a film crew into the delivery room when your vagina is on display is perfectly modest, but heaven forbid your daughters wear skirts that show their ankles. I really don't get this family. They belong to a Christian religion (?) called Quiverfull, which encourages having large families. According to, followers of this faith "acknowledge His headship in all areas of our lives, including fertility" and "exist to serve those believers who trust the Lord for family size." Interesting concept. Do they also trust the Lord to feed their family of 24? They tell me that "whether your quiver is large or small, you are welcome." So maybe one day when I finally get that cattle farm out west and need some free labor, I'll consider having a "small" quiver of 12. Because I can't think of any other logical reason to have that many children. Can you?

And finally, can we stop with the remakes please? I feel like Hollywood has run out of ideas and is scraping the bottom of the barrel in a desperate attempt to make money. No one wants to see Andrea Whatshername reprise her role as Kimmy Gilber on Full House. Knight Rider 2008 was NOT a good idea, and can we leave the Karate Kid alone? Is nothing sacred anymore?! The only remake I want to see is It's a Living. But instead of waitresses at a swanky hotel in L.A., the show features upscale call girls in Europe. International movie stars fly to Prague and Milan and pay the world's most beautiful women to hang on their arms for a night. THAT, my friend, is how you make a living.


Liz said...

37 CHILDREN????? How does that even work? Does she just have a gaping maw between her legs at this point? Do the kids fall out like oranges from a paper bag? Tain't right dudes, tain't right.

Liz said...

Oh, see I'm a simple farm girl who doesn't understand "sarcasm." They don't actually have 37 kids. But still, 18 is way too many. I'm pointed this out on my bloggy as well