A day late and a theory short

Okay. So. LOST. It was a total mind-f*ck. That's all I have to say about it. Happy Friday, y'all!!

I kid, I kid. It really was a total mind-f*ck, but I would never just leave it at that. Let's delve into the Other parts of our brain and get confused, shall we?

First of all, Jack is starting to creep me out a little bit. All season he's been so passive about everything, so "It's not up to me, what happens/ed happens/ed." And then all of a sudden this week he has a plan to get the Losties back to 2007 Los Angeles--by detonating a hydrogen bomb. I'm not a bomb expert or anything, but wouldn't that kill them and blow up the entire island before it saved them? UNLESS!! Wait for it.... unless that's exactly what Jack wants. What if that's his plan, to kill himself in an attempt to obliterate the island? Sure he says that the whole wacky time travel thing will save them and that the second the island disappears, they'll magically be transported back to their Santa Monica apartments and houses on the hills. But what if he's come to end of his rope and blowing up the island is just a convenient way to kill himself while saving everyone else? Kate was right when she said that he's turning into Locke. (More on Jack in a minute.)

Speaking of Locke.... I can't even begin to understand the time implications of that whole compass scene. As I understand it, Locke gave Richard a compass in 1954 so that Richard could give Locke that same compass in 2004(7?) when Locke was shot. Where did Locke get the compass to give to Richard in 1954? From Richard in 2004(7?), of course. What the what? HOW?! Where did the compass come from? Who had it first? I smell deserpately need a timeflash to explain how the compass came into existance. As for there being two Lockes in the same time.... I mean, we've seen that the same person at different ages can be in the same "time" at once (Ben, Miles, etc.) but never like this. This scene was just creepy.

Which brings me to Richard. Never-aging, ever-present Richard. "He's kind of an advisor," Ben explains to Sun, "and he's had that job for a very, very long time." A-duh. Every era we glimpse, Richard is there. Always with a group of people he's creepily leading, and always with a knowing smirk on his face. So he's a creation of the island, no? Something that watches over the precious land throughout time, ensuring that there is always conflict between this group called The Others/Hostiles and whomever else happens to be on the island (military intelligence in the 50's, the Dharma Initiative in the '70's, Rousseau in the '80's, survivors of Oceanic 815 in 2004, etc.) But where did he come from? How does he never age? Why is he the only constant thing on the island throughout time? And why is he not really in charge? The power structure seems to be Jacob --> Charles Widmore/Eloise Hawking/Ben/Locke/anyone else but Richard--> Richard. If he's the only one that never dies, wouldn't it make more sense to keep him in charge? What's up with that?

Regarding other people with shit-eating grins, does anyone else want to smack that smirk off Juliet's face? I wrote in my notes last night (yes I take notes while I watch LOST, specifically so you can have well-informed LOST posts, so shut it) the following sentence: "I want to bitch-slap Juliet across her smarmy face so bad." It's like nothing phases that woman. My sister is barren? Sad face. My douchey ex-husband died? Happy face. Jack wants me? Horny face. Sawyer wants Kate? Death face. But all of those faces look the same!! I swear she smirked after Phil punched her in the face. (And so did I.) I also had to smile when Kate came waltzing down the hatch of the submarine. Juliet and Sawyer thought they were gonna live happily ever after on Microsoft stock (always scheming, Sawyer, always scheming) and BAM! Just like that, Freckles makes her return. Womp womp.

So. Where does all this leave us?

• Jack, Richard, Ellie (who is clearly pergnant with Daniel) and Sayid (!) want to blow up the H-bomb to save the island (?).
  
• Kate said "hell no" to that idea and was subsequently caught and put on the sub with Sawyer and Juliet. (By the way, did anyone else think Sawyer would jump off the top of the sub and into the water after seeing Juliet into it?) I however doubt that this sub is going to Ann Arbor; something tells me these three will be dropped off in some extra-special location before the sub returns to the mainland.... perhaps on a smaller, nearby island that has the unmistakable smell of polar bear feces?
  
• Hurley, Miles and Jin are out in the jungle with guns and food, which leads me to believe they will encounter Jack and try to stop his hair-brained idea. And/or encounter Sawyer and his heirum and try to save them. And/or encounter the Hostiles/Others and try to defeat them. And/or ad infinitum.
  
• Locke, who thinks he's in charge of the Others but really isn't, wants to find Jacob. We always thought Locke had some special bond with the island, that he was some sort of Richard-like being that belonged on the island, but now we find out that's not true. Either Locke changed his tune, or he was fooling us bigtime, but now he wants to find Jacob not to bow down to him, but to kill him. I like this plan a lot better.
  
• Surprise surprise, Ben is not on Locke's side. Why would he be? Do I smell an uprising? Some sneaky stuff on Ben's behalf? A double-cross by Richard who is all of a sudden on Locke's side? Or at least pretends to be? The possibilities are endless.
  

One final theory that I hadn't thought of before and admittedly got from another website, but that totally makes sense: Jack is Jacob. I mean, it sorta makes sense: Claire is his Jack's sister, and she seems to have some special bond with Jacob. Christian is his dad, and what has he been up to lately? Jacob spoke to Locke, and only to Locke, and said "Help me." What if that help means, "Kill me. Kill the island and end my misery. I've been stuck here forever and ever and I want out. FML." Although if this theory is true and I just stumbled upon the surprise ending of the entire show, I will be VERY upset.